I have often pondered why women do not try the pick up line themselves?  It would be so much more affective in your hands.  I think I would be rather flattered if some strange girl came up and tried one.  Here is the way I think you ladies could try it.  A lady comes up to me and asks, “Are you demonic?”

Shocked and horrified I would say, “No, no I am not!”

To which she would be able to reply, “Too bad... because you are one handsome devil.”

This has never happened to me in my life and probably never will, but if it did, that would be awesome!  Ladies, feel free to use this line next time you are in bar or a club, I guarantee it will surprise unlike anything we could ever come up with.

This is all just part of the mystery that shows how different men and women are.  If you opened a bar and let all kinds of men come in for free and only charged the ladies a cover charge, you would go broke.  This is a good maxim to live by, if men are there, chances are women will not go, if women are there, chances are you will have to keep men out.

Why can’t someone just go up to someone else and say, “Hello, my name is…” and go from there? Why do I need to know if it hurt, falling from heaven?  Do I care if you daddy is a baker?  Is it polite to ask if you father is thief?  The answer is no, no it is not.  Now, many will go and blame men for this stupidity and to be sure we deserve most of the blame.  However, you ladies deserve some blame too, if your people would ignore stupid men, stupid men would either change or go extinct.

If the Maternal Order of Bar Drinking Maidens (MOOB MD) all came together as a group and said no, we shall not accept this symbol of the idiot male we would be one step closer to a better world.  I say one step closer because there would be other idiot behavior; however, a journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.  This could be that one step, but alas, it will not happen.

You see, while MOOB MD is powerful, it is not powerful enough.  There is a girl, maybe it is you, maybe it is your friend, who will say yes, yes I always do wake up this beautiful, no my feet have not got tired running around in your mind, and do you really think my outfit would look great on your floor?

All it takes is one girl to say yes to a stupid line to encourage thousands. It is the same reason people buy lottery tickets, while millions will lose, someone will win and everyone believes that they will be that someone.  So, be prepared to say that you are not from Tennessee, even though you are the only Ten I See.

Where did all the time go?

I’m a single woman in my (gulp) late twenties. I do not have a boyfriend or children. I do not travel much. Really, the only sort of quirky thing about my life is that I have birds…instead of cats. It really should be a simple life, but somehow I just do not have enough hours in the day.

I have a good job. Of course it isn’t perfect. While it isn’t a bad job, it doesn’t pay enough to keep up with my bills and life style. To make up the difference, I work more. I write for a couple websites, design sites, and write novels and novellas. What started as a social venture soon became a way of paying for my social life when I shifted from just singing Karaoke to helping run a karaoke show or two a week.

During the week, and most Saturdays actually, my day starts at 6:30 a.m. and it keeps going until 2-3:00 a.m. It doesn’t seem to slow down either. By the time I get off work at 5:00, drive back to the north side of town, make dinner, spend time with the birds (yes pet birds need attention and out of cage time) write for a couple sites, and get some work done around the house, it is time to change clothes and run off to another obligation. The weekends aren’t much better. I work most Saturday mornings, and my Sunday’s aren’t crazy, but I usually have places to be. I’m lucky if I have one night a week where I do not have plans. Even with that I am usually working from home that night too. I know that I have hurt people’s feelings because I have not wanted to give up that one night of freedom

None of this includes laundry, grocery shopping or (gasp) me time. The thing is, I’m not the only person with this type of schedule. Our culture pushes us to be independent. We feel like if we aren’t self sufficient we aren’t really grown ups. We work multiple jobs, and try to have full social lives, and we usually suffer the burnout. It is just part of life. I'm not sure why we are so driven. We want it all. We want the job, the friends, the social life and the spouse....ok fine and some of us even want kids. We want to ahve time to do it all and enjoy it all. Even when we are spent to out limit we keep going.

Recently, I was feeling all sorry for my self. Yes, I was being quite pathetic. I was sad because I was living this life all on my own. I looked at my friends who had someone to go to the store, or start dinner, or just be there at the end of the day. I do admit being all on my own sucks from time to time. I do wish I had someone to pick up the slack. I half joke about how I would do anything for a husband with a good job and benefits. That way I could pursue my writing career full time. I want more than a frantic birds to return home to every night. I was someone to pay half the bills and occasionally be my designated driver.

As I finally came to my senses and agreed that it was fine to want those things, but pathetic to pine for them, I had a moment of clarity: Yeah, that would all be nice, but where would I find the time? I meet guys all the time. Admittedly, most of them are not interested, I’m just not impressed by most of the ones that are. The excuse I give for not pursing the relationships is: I don’t have the time. Yes, I have let perfectly good guys walk away because really I’m swamped. I’ve also used the “I’m busy” excuse to keep me from having to spend time with others. From my perspective, none of them seem worth putting all that I have going on hold. They aren’t worth giving up my writing time, my current friends, or anything else. Honestly, I just don’t have time to build and cultivate a relationship. I like my crazy life.

Here is the bottom line: If I find a guy who I think is worth it, I will find the time. Maybe my lack of time is my defense. I could make the time for these guys if I wanted. However, I just don’t feel the need. There just isn’t enough interest there to make giving up what I have worth while.

For now, I’m not looking any more. I’m just living my life. My life isn’t really all that different than any other single person my age. I’m going to keep enjoying my life and my freedom. Of course I’ll have bad moments, but in the end I know that I am living my life they way I want to. It might be crazy and exhausting, but it is all mine.

Which leads me to my point: I have spent the last couple of years dating and finding myself in short-term relationships. I have met a lot of women through the more traditional means (i.e. through friends, family,work) as well as the “new traditional” means (match.com and other various internet sites). I cannot say that any method has been better than another one. Some dates have been good. Some were not so good. And the select few led to something more. The “something more” phase is pretty much the NO MAN’S LAND of NO MAN’S LANDs when you are starting to get serious with someone. In the days of Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter pretty much all of your activity (or inactivity) is open to scrutiny.

This means that if you are starting to date someone regularly via match.com, there is always the catch-22 of being“caught” looking at other profiles or messaging others because it lets others know when you last logged-in. On the same note, the person you are dating would have had to been on there to know that you had been. It has all sorts of ramifications that can be taken a variety of ways, unless you are proactive about it.

I have adopted the 30/30/30 method. Basically it means if you have either been seeing someone for 30 days, exchanged 30+ realistically romantic emails, or spend at least 30 minutes a day on the phone then it is time to stop putting out the feelers. Whether you’re willing to admit it, either you (or your fancy) probably think of the two of you as a couple once you have reached this point. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting some initial boundaries that will act as a verbal contract between two people. It’s a great way for both people to grow the relationship at its own pace and provides a checkpoint to evaluate how things are progressing. Also, if after that watermark is reached, it provides a clean breaking point if the bond doesn’t look to have any real future.

Regardless of how two people are brought together, there is still an inherent need to feel wanted, appreciated, and respected. As we all know, open communication is the basis of most healthy relationships. If we learn to break out of our “don’t say too much, too soon” mold, we can avoid finding ourselves in the dating NO MAN’S LAND. Dating is a wonderful institution and the one proven method of finding that one special significant other that will truly compliment our wants and needs. The landscape of dating continues to change and happiness lies in our ability to change our approach and conduct within it.

Below are five love stories everyone should read. Do yourself a favor and check them out.

Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë
Regarded as one of the finest romantic novels every written, Wuthering Heights is a passionate narrative about the love between Catherine Earnshaw and Heathcliff. Like most good love stories, this one leads to doom and tragedy.

Doctor Zhivago by Boris Pasternak
This classic is set during the Russian Revolution and tells the story of a man torn between two women. Famously made into a film, the book should not be bypassed.

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
Yes, many of us were forced to write a high school essay on this one, but you might be surprised at how much you enjoy the novel as an adult. Witty, complex and passionate, Pride and Prejudice is arguably Jane Austen's finest work.

Lady Chatterley's Lover by DH Lawrence
If you just have to take a steamy book to the beach with you, opt for DH Lawrence instead of Danielle Steel. The book was released to great scandal in the 1920's, as it contained some very graphic scenes for its time.

Far from The Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy
This was Hardy's most successful book. It covers the many loves and trials of the beautiful Bathsheba Everdene, who seems to enrapture every man she meets. If you have some extra time this summer for some reading, the above classics are sure to offer some refined escapism. Truly, everyone should read these five books at some point in their lives and there is no better time than now.

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Heather Johnson regularly writes on the topic of best dating websites. She invites your questions and writing job opportunities at her personal email address: heatherjohnson2323 at gmail dot com.

By wise, I mean I was smart enough to click on a few different hyperlinks for internet dating. On the surface it would be easy to lump internet dating into one single entity, but that would be the equivalent of saying that hooking up with someone from the bar is the same as your mother fixing you up with a girl from her church. They just aren’t the same things. For those lacking real experience with what I call the multiple levels of internet dating ™ (I haven’t actually trademarked it….yet), allow me to expand.

In the world of internet dating there is a direct correlation of the level of seriousness to the amount spent on monthly fees and amount of involvement required of users. The fees range from FREE to upwards of $30-$60/month and the required involvement ranges from placing a simple posting to having to field multiple emails. And depending on how serious a guy is about finding love or a relationship, there is something for just about everyone. For the sake of keeping this posting to a reasonable length that will actually get read, I’ll keep it simple and break it down into 4 categories.

LEVEL 1

First you have Craigslist.com. For those that are not familiar with Craigslist, you are missing out on a cornucopia of awesomeness. The site is basically the classified ads of almost every urban area in the world all crammed together in one simple to use website. If you can get past the fact that the site looks like it was designed with a Commodore 64 or an Apple Macintosh Classic II, you will find all sorts of things. If you’re looking for “love”, there are personal listings for just about any type of relationship that you (and your spouse/lover/buddy/livestock) could hope for.

The big word of caution when trying to find someone on Craigslist is that you never really know if the person that looks “too good to be true” is really posting an ad, really a prostitute (I found that out the hard way), or a fake ad for a porn site. All of these are distinct possibilities. I’m not trying to knock on the people that put up actual personal ads, but what do you really expect from a website that allows you to sell the headliner from a 1975 Malibu, one minute, and then post an ad that says “I’m looking for my soulmate” the next? I’d say that when you’re cruising Craigslist, don’t let your expectations get above the level of “Things I’d never tell anyone unless we were playing I NEVER….”

COST: FREE                 INVOLVEMENT: MINIMAL

LEVEL 2

Next you have all of the free sites that focus solely on dating and finding love. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few. My personal favorites are Plentyoffish.com, Datehookup.com, and Tattoosingles.com. The first two are self explanatory, but the latter of the three is my new favorite. It’s not my favorite because of any personal experiences. It’s more of a novelty. Seeing how almost everybody I know, even my ultra-Catholic friend, have tattoos, it’s really wide open. If you do a quick search you’ll find people with one single tiny tattoo right next to someone with 90% coverage. Now if only I could find a girl with a skeeball target pattern tattooed in an appropriate location, I’d be booking the flight and quickie wedding in Vegas immediately.

The basic idea behind all of these sites is finding someone. I just don’t know if it’s to find someone to date, date with intentions to marry, or date with intentions of sneaking out at 4am. I tend to look at all of these the same way I look at a nickel/dime/quarter poker game. If you don’t have any real “investment”, what’s to keep you playing it safe and logical? What’s to keep me from doing something stupid like making dates with 3 different girls on the same night and time? If I stand them up, they’re just going to chalk it up to general flakiness and move on.

COST: FREE                 INVOLVEMENT: SOMEWHAT ACTIVE

LEVEL 3

          You had to know that I would be bringing up Match.com. I personally am a big fan of the Match.com formula. I met my best girl friend through Match and I have met a lot of awesome women. I’ve had plenty of bad dates, but for the most part the system works. The fact that there is a monthly fee aids in weeding out the people that are not serious about wanting to find someone and pursue a relationship. Granted there are still the people that are willing to abuse the system, but nowhere near what happens on the free sites.

This site is definitely for those that are ready for something more that hooking up and not quite ready to go buy rings and pick out a wedding dress. Match.com is definitely the site that has made it alright to tell your friends and family that you met via the internet. It hasn’t quite gotten to the point that it’s totally accepted, but give it another 5-10 years and it will be commonplace.

COST: $15-30/month                 INVOLVEMENT: EXTENSIVE

LEVEL 4

And finally, there is the most “serious” of internet dating websites. I’m, of course, talking about Eharmony.com. This is the site that tells you that other websites just give you a picture and a paragraph. Their theory is that if you are matched based on multiple levels of compatibility, then your physical attraction is bound to happen. I’m not trying to down on this site, but what a bunch of crap. Can you imagine how many women have ended up having amazing emotional chemistry with guys that look like Rocky Dennis from the movie MASK? Hey, I like the sun on my face too, but I just can’t see how this could ever work.

I guess if I was at the point that my mindset was centered around getting married as soon as possible, then I could possibly be all for this site. So, I guess it’s my fault. I’m just not ready to get married so badly that I’d be willing to forego physical attraction and tell my inner caveman to go hibernate. Someday, maybe, but definitely not today.

COST: $20-$60/month                 INVOLVEMENT: PURE BLIND FAITH

It is incredibly difficult to say what works best for each person when it comes to internet dating. In my opinion, the first thing anybody needs to do is determine what they are looking for and then go from there. I personally am at the point that I am about to swear off dating altogether and go join a monastery. Yeah….like that would really happen.

Then you anxiously await the first round of messages to come pouring in. Once they do and you go through them you find one in every ten to be exciting. You talk to them and you get that "Butterfly Effect" in your stomach and you stay up later than usual on the computer or maybe you even exchange phone numbers. The next step is you start to feel like "This could be the One" you will find yourself falling in love and then just as fast as it starts it is over.

Why is this? Well from the way I see it, the problem is you. That's right. You! Harsh as it may sound, I mean it in a loving way. First of all we make ourselves venerable to heartbreak. We put such high expectations on ourselves and other people. Don't get me wrong I still want to believe that everyone deserves their own fairytale but what they forget to teach you is that you make your own fairytales and it is usually not the way you picture it. Most people in a relationship have "settled" outside of what they really want because of the fear of being alone. Doesn't mean you are not happy just means you have made it work for you.

Online dating is an easy way for you to be yourself personality-wise almost everything else money, job, lifestyle etc..  are what you wish them to be. And we all know how to take our "Best Pictures" so you have already started your "New Relationship with a lie!"  Then once the truth is reveled the relationship is over as fast as it began. Now your left with another sore taste in your mouth and a little crack in your heart. So my friends I say unto you, if you most test the waters of online dating do it with the notion that it is just for fun.

Don't take things so seriously and make sure you talk to someone for a while in a REAL conversation. Pay close attention to the answers they give because that way its easier to smell your rat! And above all things Guard your hearts with all you have because real love is out there and will be best found when your not looking for it.

Pick-Up lines are so last decade. It’s time for the pick-up line to step into modern age. So here’s the plan:

Step 1: Pick out the woman in a cafe (take your time… find one suitable to your tastes)

Step 2: Make sure she’s not wearing a ring (that’s always a mood killer)

Step 3: Get your camera phone ready for a picture

Step 4: Plan your route to the restroom strategically for at least two strafing runs

Step 5: Take her picture

Step 6: Return to your laptop

Step 7: Write a blog about the most beautiful woman sitting in your cafe, how you asked her out on a date, and she said yes

Step 8: Add the picture you took

Step 9: Post the blog with her photo

Step 10: Pick up your laptop

Step 11: Carry it over to her table

Step 12: Set it down gently in front of her

Step 13: Calmly take your seat across the table

Step 14: Smoothly swivel your laptop to face her

Step 15: Ask her, “I was wondering if you could make this come true….”

Step 16: Get her number

******Emergency Step 17***********

If she happens to look horrified that you took her picture without her consent and she attempts to call the police or the store manager, grab your computer and run like hell…

There are dozens of services, both brick-and-mortar and online establishments. There are scientists and mathematicians who have dedicated their lives to one purpose: to calculate the best formula for deciding an excellent romantic match. eHarmony is one such enterprise. The people I know who have chosen to join eHarmony will remain nameless simply because I think too many people are foolishly judgmental and I do not wish to give the ignorant any ammunition to slander wonderful people. My concern is mainly for the many wonderful women out there who have had little to no luck finding a quality Christian man among their peers.

It's not that godly men do not exist... of course not. But I would dare say that the statistics do not lie when they tell us that there are more women in the Church than men. Statistically, women are at a disadvantage. Then you also have issues like a woman's belief that she should trust in God to deliver a godly man to her doorstep. This belief system has been taught for several generations at least, resulting in the distorted teaching that for a woman to take even the slightest advancing step or display of interest toward a man is to prove distrust in God's power, goodness, and purposes. While it is true that it is unhealthy for either a man or a woman to obsess about finding a mate, there is a significant difference between obsessive fear and concern.

A man who finds a wife finds a good thing. That is scriptural. To find a good thing means most often to first desire a good thing. And a man who finds is most often a man who searches. After all, he who seeks shall find, right? Now let's consider woman. In the church above all other places, she faces a question of her identity. It is debated how involved a woman can be in this or that ministry, public service, etc. How is the husband to be head of the home if his wife is his boss, after all? Good question, and one worth much consideration... only not here. Just because we may find ourselves struggling to balance the delicate nature of male/female relationships does not mean that we must project these concerns onto the woman and refuse to allow her the opportunity to seek a husband.

In most cases, a woman proposing to a man would seem awkward to me, though I have heard of instances where this is even appropriate. Given even the objection that a forward woman is too controlling or powerful, it doesn't explain why a woman should suffer to leave her fate up to men who may or may not even know she is interested or willing. Then there is the issue of availability. How many decent single men are available at your church? Five? Ten? Fifty? Perhaps so, though I would assume that the number is greatest within the ages of 21-26 and significantly drop off steadily afterwards. So you get your choice of many immature young men and very little else.

What if you are 30 years old and the closest you can get to a godly man is an eternal child? What if you are 40? 50? 60? Life throws so many curve balls at us that it is not uncommon to meet a woman who, for one reason or another, finds herself near or past her child bearing years and yet still without any marital prospects. Some women are fine with this. Hey, marriage isn't for everyone. Some women prefer to dedicate their lives to service, ministry, work, or their families. These can be very honorable decisions. Some women ardently desire a husband, however, and we dare not force upon them the title of "spinster" simply because they did not find their spouses quickly or easily. Some women are shy and do not give much evidence of romantic interest ever. To these I feel sorry, for their own unintentional lack of public expression has contributed to their loneliness.

What is the answer? How is a woman older than 27 to find a decent man with whom she is compatible? eHarmony is a possible solution. In the period of one year, more than 33,000 eHarmony members were married. That is impressive. Of course, many of that number have or will divorce, sadly. That is a statistic which is true of any segment of the married population. Statistically, the majority do not honor their covenant committments forever. People choose the easy way out. It is more convenient to divorce than to resolve differences, insults, injuries, and betrayals. That is no excuse for not using a service like eHarmony.... (More to come)