The diet soda is a breakthrough in ways few problems have the ability to be solved.  Imagine if you will that it was possible to have more government spending and yet pay less in taxes.  Think of the possibilities, more programs for you and me, but not taking away our hard earned money, fantastic.  This is the gift that diet soda has given humanity.  And yet, while the diet soda really is genius in a bottle, it sometimes is not used the way our mad scientist would have intended.  You see, while drinking a regular pop might cost you three hundred unneeded calories, and removing those calories can help you lose weight.  Feeling like you have carte blanche to eat anything you want just because you are drinking a diet soda really is not going to help.
 
I tend to approach my weight issues the same way I do global warming.  Sure it is terrible, but what can I do about it?  I feel like one of those "real men of genius" in a Budweiser commercial, if there was such a commercial, it would sound something like this:
 
“Bud light presents, real men of genius.”
“Real men of genius!”
 
“Today we salute you, Mr. Diet Soda Drinker Guy.”
“Mr. Diet Soda Drinker Guy!”
 
“You can eat a triple bacon cheese burger, large fries, onion rings and an Oreo pie but insist on drinking a diet soda to wash it down.”
“I can hear myself getting fatter!”
 
“No tofu, soy products or veggie burgers for you, if it did not have a mama, you’re not going to eat it.   So crack open an ice cold Bud Light oh battle of bulge warrior, your wasteline may not get any thinner, but at least you can say that you tried.”

“Mr. Diet Soda Drinker Guy!”

When I was younger, I could eat Big Macs and chase them down with a doughnut and vats of soda, then I’d hop on my bike and ride for hours. Unlike most people, when I went to college I lost 15 pounds because I walked everywhere with a twenty pound bag on my back. When I graduated in my early twenties and got a desk job, I found out I wasn’t blessed with a fast metabolism and the weight came on. About thirty-five pounds. With the exception of those times I was pregnant, I’ve stayed around there all this time. I’m still considered to be normal on the weight table gamut-albeit on the upper end.  For years though, I’ve wanted to lose about 10-15 pounds, but this goal was motivated by female vanity, and slipping into a smaller size, rather than health.

However, for the past few months I’ve noticed fat starting to move to places where it wasn’t before. So I decided to see a personal trainer.

I didn’t think I was too far off track. I exercise and do a mild version of Pilates. I’m not into junk food all that much but I do like to indulge in a bottle of wine imbibed over the course of a weekend. In spite of this “healthy living” I still had a bit of a muffin top creeping over my low-rise jeans. (For men who may not be aware, for the longest time, this was the only style of jeans available for women to purchase, however it is slowly getting better as designers and store clothing buyers realize that most American women are not built like heroine-chic models.)

The trainer said I had to “eat clean” which means no processed foods, eat a lean protein and a fruit or vegetable at each meal and have a “meal” five or six times a day. Also, no alcohol.
For the first week I had headaches from sugar withdrawal. (Thank God I didn’t have to give up coffee because that is what fuels my writing. I’d shoot up on straight caffeine if I could.) After a month of eating like this, I’ve gotten used to it and it isn’t too bad.

The weigh training is a different story. I didn’t realize I was so out of shape. I always feel like I’ve been beat up afterward. But when the pain wears off, I feel buff. My favorite activity is going around the house with my biceps flexed and saying things like “Someone call the vet ‘cause these puppies are sick!” Or “Someone call the zoo and tell them a couple of pythons got loose.” Or “The police pulled me over ‘cause I was carrying these guns!” If you have some more sayings that I didn’t list, feel free to add them to the comments section. I need new material.

As you can tell, I’m feeling pretty confident and after a month of this regimen it will only be a short time until my transformation into a MILF will be complete.

This has really been my lesson for this week, mostly due to a happy hour conversation I had with me, my friend The Irishman and his friend Abby. We were in a bar downtown at about 4:30 in the afternoon and started discussing Abby’s past relationships and the complete lack of available men in the DFW area. She was on her second drink in less than thirty minutes, and complaining that all the men she dated were alcoholics. I’m listening to this conversation and seeing a very obvious answer to her problem. She likes men who drink because she drinks, and some people who like to drink are alcoholics. It’s simple. The people you hang around, you hang around for a reason. It’s because you have common interests, values and goals.

Now, my mind wanders to the reverse. Can you become thinner or more successful simply by choosing thinner, more successful friends? Can you make yourself happier by hanging around happier people? Research tends to think so, and the more I talk to people about this subject, the more I agree. If you want to start working out- get a workout buddy that’s as serious about it as you are. You are made up of your environment. If you surround yourself with beautiful and healthy things, you will be a beautiful and healthy thing. I honestly think that this realization might change my outlook on things. I at least want to try it and see how it works. I’ll let you know how it goes.

How do you handle anxiety? Everyone's different. Me? I have a very hard time shifting gears once anxiety has set in. I don't do pills or professional therapy, so that leaves me with more natural / do it yourself types of coping. Let's take a quick look at some ways I overcome anxiety:

1. Soothing music
Elevator music doesn't qualify. My #1 album for soothing nerves is Sade's "Lovers Rock." #2 would be Josh Groban's "Closer." Andrea Bocelli used to be my #1, but I've worn out his albums and have to wait to listen more. 

2. Nature
This only works given the right seasons of the year and/or geographic location. When I spent two years at a mortgage company, I spent a LOT of my time outside. I let the sun warm my face as the breeze lazily moved the tree tops and birds chirped away in those branches. It was my momentary paradise, and it brought a sense of calm. 

3. Nutrients
Certain herbs and supplements help to improve mood. Sublingual B vitamins uplifts mood by promoting energy and positive outlook, and liquid chlorophyll helps the body feel hydrated. Both are essential to a sense of well-being. 

4. Smells
While my wife was pregnant, we shopped for scented essential oils at Whole Foods Market. We also did some study to find out which smells affect mood in which ways. Despite the fact that I don't especially care for the smell, Ylang Ylang really works wonders on my mood, as does sandalwood and honeysuckle (not together). We bought one of those little oil burners and we just put a few drops into it and light one of those really small and cheap candles beneath it. The room is filled with fragrance and your mind can slowly drift into a better mood. 

5. Scenic Walks
Though I don't get the chance to do it anymore, I used to love walking around the canal in Las Colinas. I'd eat my lunch quickly and then take a 20+ minute walk along the canal. Something about water calms me. The mild exercise is good as well for increasing metabolism and shaking off feelings of slothfulness and lethargy. 

6. Computer Games
When I need to mentally check out for a good 20 minutes to regroup, I play Chess, Spider Solitaire, or Hearts. They're simple games that don't require a long time to play, but the distraction helps me regroup when my mind is stuck on something stressful or a deadline is pressing in on me. 

7. IMing my wife
A quick IM session with my wife will always boost my spirits. She is such a huge encouragement to me. We share the feeling that we are in this together, and we encourage each other when it's tough. Just talking to her removes that feeling of "I'm all alone in this problem." I don't even have to share my problems with her. I just want to know that someone is on my side. That's enough. 

There are a few others, including re-reading specific verses in the Bible, that help me as well. Sometimes I learn a truth and forget it. Revisiting truths that bring calm and peace are essential to actually improving your thoughts long-term.

The first seven are coping mechanisms. But the more permanent improvement of your mood comes from training your mind to think thoughts that are good and true. Meditating on positive and peaceful thoughts (thinking about them again and again) help you switch trains of thought in your brain and your mind will learn over time to habitually think better thoughts instinctively, which is what you really want. Unlearning the negative responses to thoughts takes some time, but really, what is more important than feeling good and enjoying a fulfilling life? You'll do what it takes when it's important enough to you to get results. Even if doing what it takes means beginning by asking questions. 

My mom of all people introduced me to 5-hour ENERGY, a thumb-sized bottle of nasty-tasting energy goodness. In addition to caffeine, taurine, and L-tyrosine, 5-hour ENERGY has Niacin, Vitamin B6, Vitamin B12, and Folic Acid. The downside? Sucralose. Those stupid fake sugars are toxic on some level. But I'm hoping that the amount is negligible compared to what you'd get from several Diet Cokes or whatever sugar free drink you might enjoy. 

The Strategy

When I need a boost, I'll take a 5-hour ENERGY drink to keep me going and drink a TON of water. I drink a lot of fluids habitually, so I can finally get my water intake in without having to mix in all the sodas or coffees to make me feel good. 

Eventually, I'll have to move on an grow past the 5-hour ENERGY drink. At some point, I need to make a clean break to a caffeine free lifestyle (assuming it's possible to go without and still be creative). But that point is not now, and I will celebrate small movements of progress.

So goodbye, Dr. Pepper. It's been fun, but you did me wrong. I need a healthier relationship, and I'm moving on. I'll think of you fondly and write wistful ballads about you, but in the end I'll be glad that our destructive cycle has been broken. Best of luck to you.  

Golic asked Green about the most recent concussion he suffered and whether he was suffering any post trauma effects from the blow. Green claims he is fine, with no noticeable after effects, which may or may not be true. Keep in mind that a professional athlete, especially an NFL quarterback, is more vulnerable to replacement today than ever before. Now, I don't know what kind of quality replacement Miami has at the QB position right now, but it's still in the best interests of an athlete intent on starting next year to put on his best face in public to avoid any speculation on the need to replace him with a healthier version. 

Despite the possible threat to his career, Green sounds confident about the prospect of returning next season. And why shouldn't he? Even if he doesn't play again, he has a promising career ahead of him as an NFL analyst. 

Based on this one radio spot, I like Trent Green. He sounds intelligent, informed, and responsible. He's talked with a lot of veteran quarterbacks including Steve Young about their experiences with concussions. He's researched the latest developments in brain trauma treatment and sounds like a man confident in his ability to recover. 

One avenue of brain trauma treatment/recovery Trent Green may not have investigated yet is neuro-feedback. The Sams Center in Plano handles cases from coast to coast. Success rates with various types of brain trauma are better than anyone would have expected 20 years ago. Check them out online if you have a similar issue: brain trauma, ADHD, ADD, bipolar, depression, etc. The treatments seem laughable, but they work. Sometimes, you'll try anything once you've exhausted the more traditional treatments. A lifetime of medicating yourself is no way to live if there's a better way. 

I would likely never have seriously attempted weight loss had it not been for the fact that weight gain is directly related to snoring. My snoring has gotten louder and more obnoxious over the past year, and my wife's concern was that she would never get any sleep once the baby was born. Either the baby would cry to be fed or I would snore and drive her insane. She's been using ear plugs, but that won't be an option while our child is an infant. She'll need to hear the baby when it's time to feed.

My wife gives me this ultimatum: figure out how to stop snoring / snore quietly or sleep in another room! And folks, she wasn't kidding. The concept of sleeping in separate bedrooms is beyond disturbing to me. It wasn't an option. But neither is a sleepless wife for six months. She had lovingly reminded me several times that weight gain/loss was known to affect snoring. I thought it was a clever ploy to get me to lose weight (it still might have been, but she wasn't lying).

I started trying Breathe Right nasal strips and that liquid you spray toward the back of your throat. They made a tiny difference, but not significant enough to rescue me from certain banishment. I looked online, but nothing other than weight loss or surgery would do the trick. I don't even like giving blood, and I'm not made out of money, so weight loss was the only answer.  

I was at my chiropractor's office in October and brought up the snoring issue, hoping for some kind of suggestion or alternative method. He tells me that they sell a cleanse that both cleanses and helps people lose weight. The weight loss aspect is especially effective with men, apparently. He told me of a guy who dropped 26 pounds in three weeks. I was skeptical, because I'd done two other cleanses before and they didn't do anything but cleanse. 

The key with this cleanse is that you change your eating habits for the duration of the cleanse. I ate only fruits and vegetables for the first week along with the cleanse capsules and shake with each meal. During week two, I added a boiled egg with each meal so I could increase my strength (I felt pretty weak during week one). I also added a little brown rice in the evenings. I drank one shake blended with a banana or two along with every meal. 

It's a 3 week program, but I'm not skipping Thanksgiving just to finish the prescribed time limit. So I've done 2.5 weeks of the cleanse, and it ends tomorrow morning.

How much weight did I lose on this cleanse?

In two and a half weeks, I lost 15 pounds. I don't know how good that is compared to the contestants on The Biggest Loser, but it's enough to drop me down from a size 42 to a 38 waist. Were it not for Thanksgiving, I'd probably drop an extra 3-5 pounds before finishing. It would have been more without the eggs, I bet, but now was not the best time for me to go around weak and starving all day long. 

So what is the name of this cleanse?

The cleanse is made by SP, which stands for Standard Process Inc. The company is in Wisconsin. They use whole food ingredients in their programs, not artificial stuff created in a lab like you'd buy at Wal-Mart. SP is sold through healthcare professionals, so you won't find it on the shelf even at your local Whole Foods Market. 

I don't know where to find it in your part of the country, but if you live in the Dallas / Fort Worth area, I can hook you up with the folks who sold it to me. It consists of a natural shake mix, gastro-fiber capsules, green food capsules, and cleanse capsules. I'm going to keep taking the gastro-fiber capsules for a while and maybe even the shake mix (though we have another very healthy shake mix made by Nature's Sunshine) and an egg for breakfast. 

Breakfast has traditionally been the ignored meal for me. If I take the shake and an egg each morning, that protein and supplement will help my metabolism start off balanced and ready to face the day. Did I mention that I haven't had caffeine or concentrated sugar in two and a half weeks? It's true. I'm not going back to caffeine unless my body can't handle processing regular meals. If I start feeling extra tired and lazy, I may have to. But for now, it's water, milk, and water to drink.

Best of luck to you as you cleanse.  

I'm not looking forward to work tomorrow. Everyone knows that I left the office early to attend a class on the dangers of vaccinations to babies and children. I fully expect someone to try goading me into a short summary so that they may laugh their clueless and scornful laughs.

Sadly, I can speak plain, logical English and still get the same blank, prehistoric stares. The look that says "you must hate doctors, society, and America" is borne on the faces of the masses when anyone challenges traditional views of medicine, diet, energy, and possibility. People with absolutely no clue as to why they disagree except for the fact that they trust the masses who believe the same.

I have nothing to offer these people. I can't cure stupid. You either practice critical thinking, or you don't. You either blindly accept tradition, or you don't. If you're fine with tradition and feel no need to question or challenge status quo, go right ahead. Ignorance is bliss... except when it's not.

This isn't to slam anyone at work so much as it is to point out the critical need nationwide for some good old fashioned logic 101. You don't have to live a perfect life. I don't live anything remotely resembling a perfect life. I know when I'm being stupid (or I have a strong suspicion). I still choose stupid in some areas. But I give myself the room to choose stupid because I recognize my path of progress and the truth that I can't fix everything that's wrong with myself all at once. I give myself some slack to work on one thing at a time.

Hear my request. Please fight against stupid. Don't accept it. When you put anything artificially made into your body, don't act like it's not completely logical that on some level it will cause you harm. Yes, prescription meds are harmful. Yes, fast food is harmful. Yes, sodas are harmful. Yes, vaccinations are harmful. Yes, your favorite store brand cheese dip is harmful. Yes, your body naturally fights off disease (and succeeds WHEN YOU TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY!). Yes, your body is designed to process natural foods (vegetables, grains, fruits, legumes). Yes, your retirement diseases depend on your current lifestyle. You control your destiny. You have the power. You might not want it, but it's yours.
Get over it. Continue to live as you choose, but don't accept stupid. Know what you are doing with your life. Take responsibility. Be an adult. Fight stupid everywhere you can.

That's my soap box. 'Nuff said.

1. Green Olives - as disturbing as this may sound to you, Heather not only craved green olives, she literally ate nearly two bottles of green olives in one day. Yes, she ate them by themselves, and, wait for it..... she drank the juice. Major ick-factor.

2. Chocolate Chip Cookies - one of the more enjoyable trips to the grocery store thus far consisted of extra chocolate stuffed chocolate chip cookie dough which we baked in the oven and ate with milk....mmmmm. Sadly, this was a short lived craving.

3. Potato Chips - the days of greasy food begin! On with the show!

4. French Fries - suddenly, the uber-healthy wife transformed into the uber-junk food wife. French fries were a popular culprit.

5. Vanilla Shakes - along the same vein as #3, Heather developed a sudden need for vanilla shakes twice a day.

6. Mango & Pineapple - though this one was short lived, it was good to see her craving something that represented an actual food group

7. Limes - yes, limes. Whole limes. She ate at least two limes with salt in one sitting. She just peeled them out of the rind, added salt, and down the hatch! Yeah, I couldn't do it either.

8. Orange Juice - we're starting to see a theme here. What is it about citrusy / tropical fruits that her body needs so desperately? Who knows, but I'm enjoying it too. Apparently, she's not the only one in need of a few vitamins.

9. Popcorn - what is it about salty foods? Salt is apparently more important than we realize. She's always liked popcorn, though. Maybe she has a sodium deficiency (shrug).

There you have it! The list is complete.

Strange how many things pregnancy affects that you don't expect. Not only has Heather had wicked morning sickness, our eating habits are worse than when I was a bachelor (is that even possible?). This is due to the fact that for three weeks, Heather couldn't prepare a meal without getting sick at the sight of it and then being unable to take a single bite. Hence, no more food prep... hence, fast food for Daniel..... hence, slightly rounder Daniel.

One can only hope that this extra roundness will not last. To quote Scripture (with a slight twist), "She must increase, and I must decrease." So be it, God willing.

Some sources claim that a form of HPV is actually transmitted via widespread chemtrails and/or pesticide sprayings. Toxins in the air both weaken the immune system and carry poisons which the human body will react to in various defensive ways. These sources believe that Merck & Co. is responsible for the STD revisionist history, with hopes to capture the state's and eventually the nation's approval for production and implementation of HPV vaccinations.

First and foremost, always be concerned when government demands that the people receive a certain type of medical treatment when said treatment can only be provided by one company. This is dangerous! Merck is the giant pharmaceutical company awarded the contract of providing all of these vaccine shots. Doesn't that make you nervous? The question each and every one of us should be asking is: What is the government getting in return from Merck?

Is it payday for Rick Perry? Are they going to fund his next political campaign? What money and/or power has been promised in return for this multi-million dollar business deal?

These are questions that need to be asked because the motivations of a government and a pharmaceutical drive them to make the decisions they make. Is Rick Perry on the take? Why are thousands upon thousands of adolescent females now the guinea pigs of a "tested" vaccine which has not been tested long enough to determine long-term side effects, especially in relation to childbirth?

Someone needs to demand answers. Don't let Rick Perry and Merck stick a needle in your arm because they're bigger than you.

Unless you belong to the 1% of Americans labeled "freakishly strange" or " for your health conscious diet, you've been taken for a ride by just about everyone involved in the sales and production of food. What's the deal? How could so many companies possibly be so bad as the conspiracy theories say?

Food product manufacturers build their companies and their profits upon a few accurate suppositions:

1. You are most concerned with how products immediately make you feel
2. You are not a chemist
3. You do not know what most of the chemical ingredients are
4. You do not know how those chemicals affect the human body
5. You do not care, because it's inconvenient to pay attention
6. You do not believe that corporations could be so evil as to hurt their customers in order to make a profit
7. You disassociate yourself from the affects of the food they eat because you don't want to accept responsibility of finding and preparing healthy food

Some things we know are dangerous. It's illegal in New York to sell foods made with transfat. Most people have heard by now about the dangers of red food dye. But what about high fructose corn syrup? Or a hundred times worse, what about titanium? Did you know that some of the products you eat contain titanium? Did you know that it's toxic to your health?

The list goes on and on. Everything the average American eats is deadly. The ancient Greeks displayed amazing insight when they claimed, "Death begins in the colon."

Think about it. And ask yourself whether all those companies should make a profit off of your unwillingness to get involved.

I went up to Home Depot again today. Got the right part this time. Unfortunately, I cause a leak by fixing one. Figures. I’m no plumber. Now I have to call a guy to come out first thing tomorrow and probably shut the water off to the house before I go to sleep.

Once upon a time, in dreamy land, the milk said to the caboose that it’s legs were tired… My honey is dripping from the tree, it cried. I could not sit by and watch as the children were taken off into slavery… so i stood. I stood and I watched and I waited and I listened and I cried and I yelled and I hollered and I wondered what I was doing making so much noise. Then I realized that this must be delirium because I’m never this relaxed. The dog smoked a pipe while my house shrank, and the shirt was too shiny for the opera. I need another shirt, I cried to no one in particular… and heard no one respond as expected. The shoes were a different story entirely. One which cannot be uttered for fear of how hard it would be to respond to the questions of the innocents.

It’s never over ’til it’s over, I think she said. Then again, she was half-dead and crying in her bowl of cheerios as I bowled a strike. Ever notice how bowling shoes are never stylish? That must mean something to someone.

Where was I? Oh yes, the syrup. It flowed like honey from the dead willow tree. Why a willow tree? Mostly because the maple was busy. Or was it the oak? Who can remember, really? It’s all about nothing in the end. Just people and zombies. Zombies and people. Pod people and split peas. Peas in a pod and pods in a people. People in a pea and peas in a person.

Split pod-people soup is not very appetizing after Lent. It’s never a good idea to wear feathers after Kwanza. Lucia is the name of the gardener I don’t have. He keeps everthing in order, even during the winter. Of course, I don’t have to pay him since he’s not my gardener, but he does good work. Why does his name end in an “a”? Isn’t that reserved for females and she-camels? I couldn’t really say, to be honest, since my license was revoked for smoking too close to the mirror. I never knew it was a mirror, I told him, but he said it didn’t matter so long as I inhaled. I, of course, always inhaled.

I actually visited one of the sites advertised on my own blog, just to see what it would show. I got more than I bargained for. Somebody started doing a colon cleanse and took their digital camera into the bathroom every time they had a bowl movement. They took pictures of some of the nastiest stuff I have ever seen. It looks like foot-long stringy rubber.

Sorry, I know that I’m being unusually graphic and improper, but it was a powerful testimonial. You get to see pictures and read journal entries, following this timeline of the entire cleanse.

Why do I even bring this up? Because from what I’ve been reading, as much as 1 out of every 2 people have parasites of some sort. These parasites are ingested through food and water, and they cause all kinds of problems including constipation, chronic fatigue, bleeding, irritable bowel syndrome, severe gas and bloating, weight gain, acid reflux, stomach pain, diverticulitis, as well as skin and hair problems.

To learn more about parasites, common ailments, and treatment options, visit DrNatura on the web at www.drnatura.com. Intensely grotesque pictures of parasites and parasite removal journal entries can be found here as well.

Skinny, nearly dead women everywhere are up in arms, though it looks more like a toothpick revolution. Women on the opposite end of the BMI scale seem to feel somewhat justified that the skinny girls are finally being told that they are unhealthy, not voluptuous. This is a tricky subject. Far too many women have been encouraged to starve themselves to look good. We cannot condone this obsessive lifestyle.

Women have intrinsic value regardless of size, color, or shape. Each person is unique and valuable. We need to back up statements like these by practicing what we preach. On the flip side, however, there are women who can eat whatever the heck they want as often as they want, and they still stay thinner than most of us can ever dream of becoming. Why should a woman have to endure snide looks and vicious remarks from overweight women simply because she was born with a predisposition to be thin? It's no more fair than treating an overweight woman as though she is repulsive.

This subject is near to my heart because my wife is regularly misjudged. She literally cannot help the fact that she is gorgeous and thin. She does not shy away from food, trust me on that! The girl can melt a whole stick of butter for one meal! As a matter of fact, we have made it our mission to eat more fats and proteins than most people. My wife would like to gain a little more weight, but is finding it difficult. It is my hope that women will begin choosing to heal rather than hold all of their hurts inside and lashing out at each other. Every person who needs to lose or gain weight should empathize with the plight of others and wish them the best in their endeavors.

Just remember before you judge that large or small person that sometimes genetics is involved, and give the person the benefit of the doubt.