One afternoon, when my husband and I were watching my son’s soccer game, a woman I had never met before was eager to share with me something she had just discovered.

“I tell you what. I never knew happiness until I learned to submit to my husband.” At first, I tried to politely ignore her and act like I was really into the game, even during those times when my son was sitting on the bench drinking water. But she persisted. “Yep. It’s just the way the Bible says. A woman is meant to submit to her husband.”

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That's right, it's Wife Appreciation Wednesday, where we husbands give credit and thanks to the wonderful women in our lives. On this second day of 2008, I have every reason to brag on my wife.

Four days before Christmas, my wife went into labor. Because of her personal convictions about health and wellness, she chose to have a natural childbirth at home. No drugs. No surgeries. No inducing to speed up the process. Just a natural, allow the birth to happen type of situation. At 3:30am on Friday morning, Heather started feeling very strong birthing waves (a.k.a. "contractions"), and she woke me up at 4am to start timing them. For the first hour of record, they were 7 minutes apart. We were big-time excited! I started texting my family to start praying over the birth. Well, within an hour or two, the birthing waves spaced out 20+ minutes apart, and my wife was seriously disappointed. I did my very best to encourage her. 

She went through spurts of heavy birthing waves off and on for most of the day. It wasn't until 2am Saturday morning that our midwife and her assistant came to our house to monitor the progress. They were absolute angels, giving my wife encouragement and comfort much more easily than I could. They knew what was normal and what wasn't, so they could speak to her with authority and calm her fears and questions. 

We were making little progress throughout Saturday morning. Then we sent out another request to friends and family to pray that this would happen sooner than later. At 3pm, Heather took a warm shower to relax and loosen up her muscles. She came out a different person. She had her game face on, and was full of determination like I've never seen. She began pacing the house and lifting her belly properly to put the baby's head right on top of the cervix. She was a woman on a mission.  

I won't give you all the details because those are intimate and shared only with my wife, myself, our midwives, and our two mothers. But I will tell you that at 9:46pm on Saturday, our daughter Kathryn Taylor Dessinger was born. And my beautiful wife had endured 42 hours of labor! Let me tell you, I was exhausted and I didn't have to do anything but face worry and be her emotional support.

This woman faced something that almost no women in our society choose to face anymore, and she did it with great courage. I've told her since that I consider her resolve to birth our baby naturally was much more courageous and difficult than what women went through 300+ years ago. They had no choice but to have babies naturally. Anesthesia wasn't available except for opium-like substances. But my wife had every avenue of pain relief available and chose not take the easy road for the sake of her baby. 

And because we did not induce the birth, our baby was born a perfect 7lbs. 8oz. at 2 weeks past her due date! She was perfectly healthy and VERY alert when she was born, and breastfed as soon as we could let her. Kathryn has done very well thus far and we are very gushingly proud parents. But I give credit to my wife, who made choices and stood by them even when she wanted the drugs mid-way through.

Our baby will be healthier and happier because of her choices, and I am forever grateful for that. I always want my child to have the very best we can offer her, so that she has every opportunity to live a full life. She will make mistakes and learn from them, but she will be equipped to face life as well as we can possibly arrange. 

Thank you, Heather, for being my heroine and an example to many others as well! Your standards can be difficult to live up to, but you prove that most of them can be attained by anyone who makes a choice and keeps it. I love you.

******* 

If you're married and would like to brag on your wife, post a comment below and give her kudos for specific things you love about her. If you're single, you can post a comment shout out to your future wife and tell us what she's like.  

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I’ve been thinking that this would make a good topic. Heather’s just now starting to get beyond the initial morning sickness phase. It was intense for three weeks. So here’s a list of the Top 10 foods Heather has craved during her pregnancy:

1. Green Olives - as disturbing as this may sound to you, Heather not only craved green olives, she literally ate nearly two bottles of green olives in one day. Yes, she ate them by themselves, and, wait for it….. she drank the juice. Major ick-factor.

2. Chocolate Chip Cookies - one of the more enjoyable trips to the grocery store thus far consisted of extra chocolate stuffed chocolate chip cookie dough which we baked in the oven and ate with milk….mmmmm. Sadly, this was a short lived craving.

3. Potato Chips - the days of greasy food begin! On with the show!

4. French Fries - suddenly, the uber-healthy wife transformed into the uber-junk food wife. French fries were a popular culprit.

5. Vanilla Shakes - along the same vein as #3, Heather developed a sudden need for vanilla shakes twice a day.

6. Mango & Pineapple - though this one was short lived, it was good to see her craving something that represented an actual food group

7. Limes - yes, limes. Whole limes. She ate at least two limes with salt in one sitting. She just peeled them out of the rind, added salt, and down the hatch! Yeah, I couldn’t do it either.

8. Orange Juice - we’re starting to see a theme here. What is it about citrusy / tropical fruits that her body needs so desperately? Who knows, but I’m enjoying it too. Apparently, she’s not the only one in need of a few vitamins.

9. Popcorn - what is it about salty foods? Salt is apparently more important than we realize. She’s always liked popcorn, though. Maybe she has a sodium deficiency (shrug).

There you have it! The list is complete.

Strange how many things pregnancy affects that you don’t expect. Not only has Heather had wicked morning sickness, our eating habits are worse than when I was a bachelor (is that even possible?). This is due to the fact that for three weeks, Heather couldn’t prepare a meal without getting sick at the sight of it and then being unable to take a single bite. Hence, no more food prep… hence, fast food for Daniel….. hence, slightly rounder Daniel.

One can only hope that this extra roundness will not last. To quote Scripture (with a slight twist), “She must increase, and I must decrease.” So be it, God willing.

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As the best man in Aaron and Stacy’s wedding, I offered this toast (speech) at the wedding reception:

“Despite the cynicism that weighs down so many men and women of our generation, I am convinced that a man and a woman can, and most definitely should, enjoy a lifetime of love in marriage. Our generation has not bought into the sugar-coated, fairy tale version of marriage sold by the media from previous generations.

We are men and women determined to find the REAL, to live the REAL, and to grow old together still insisting upon the REAL. This marriage between Aaron and Stacy is a picture of our own lives. Aaron is the “slightly” older, worn and weary version of us. Stacy is the youth, the amazing energy, and the promise of a future the Aaron in each of us so desperately needs.

This marriage joins man and woman, young and slightly less young. I have known Aaron for 12 or 13 years, and I have walked with him through some of his happiest mmoments in life, and also some of his most difficult. And through those 12 years of friendship, there are a few things I can say about Aaron with certainty:

First, he values sincere communication more than most men, and he pulls off being real and sincere without seeming less masculine.

Second, he has an uncommon sense of decorative style, which makes me wonder how he pulls this off without seeming less masculine.

Third, he desires to be a good father, and will do anything and everything in his power to make sure his children know that they are loved.

Fourth, he desperately needs Stacy in his life to be that wellspring of energy and vitality that draws out of him many amazing character traits which still lie dormant (everyone laughs)… I wasn’t joking (everyone laughs some more).

Fifth, He taught me what it means to be a loyal friend. I learned from Aaron what it means to demand loyalty of oneself even when it is inconvenient.

Lastly, he has a God-ordained calling upon his life which he may or may not have yet understood, but through his union with Stacy he will understand in time as they continue on the path set before them.

It does my heart good to see Aaron find a woman who possesses the willingness to embrace the pursuit of the path and the life God has called them both to.

I do not know a great many things about God. Despite my years of asking and pondering, He is still largely a mystery. But if there is one thing I can say that I know about God, it is that loving and receiving love appear to be much more important to Him than merely following a set of rules. And if there is one thing every man should know in his heart, it is that at the end of the day, a man who lets his guard down and looks his beautiful wife in the eye without emotional protection is worth ten men who perform all the right daily rituals and husbandly tasks so they can check off their “to do” lists from a safe emotional distance.

No marriage will ever be easy. Let’s be real. Nothing on the face of this earth is more difficult than maintaining a healthy, romantic, and intimate marriage.

But since we’re being real, let’s not forget that nothing else in our lifetime will ever possess the fragrant hope and opportunity for REAL companionship, REAL intimacy, and REAL fulfillment.

Aaron and Stacy, if nothing else, I challenge you to demand of yourselves to be REAL. Real in pain. Real in joy. Real, even in heartache or offense. And always pursuing a fresh, new way to maintain soft and vulnerable hearts… in other words, real in love.

May your lives be filled with this soft, scary, thrilling, unnerving, and ultimately liberating kind of love. May you find in each other the companion who captivates your heart, challenges your faith, and satisfies the God-given ache to never be alone again.

To the bride and groom!!!!

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Tonight is the rehearsal dinner for Aaron’s wedding. It’s been crazy busy already this year: treatments, therapies, work schedules, bachelor party, wedding rehearsal, wedding, and my usual run of the mill issues.

I’m really grateful to play a part in Aaron’s wedding. It’s difficult balancing that side with the job and medical sides simultaneously. I’ve felt scatterbrained lately, forgetting when I have appointments and when I need to do basic, common sense stuff.

Still, there is something in the air, a promise and a hint of transformation. I pray that God makes both Heather and I much healthier through these treatments, and that our relationship will get stronger and increasingly intimate as I continue to face my pain and let God speak truth to me where I previously believed lies.

If there is one word that describes the flow of my life, it would be either “growth” or “change”. Probably “change”, only because change is not always the result of growth, but sometimes of impatience or an unwillingness to grow. Sometimes we change the external in order to avoid the necessary internal changes.

We are less than 36 hours away from Aaron and Stacy’s wedding. Congratulations to them. I always wish them only the very best.

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Just when I thought the evening was winding down, Heather tells me there is one more card for me to read. It was after 9pm, and I had been thinking about how cool it would be to end the day with a late night movie. Turns out, that’s exactly what she had planned! We headed back toward NRH for a late night showing of The Fountain, starring Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz. The movie was great, though I’m still trying to figure it out. A lot of symbolism and mysticism involved. All in all, It was an excellent day. Heather put a lot of thought into making it unique and special to us. Of course, I got to enjoy the surprises, but she really enjoyed putting it together and experiencing my response to every surprise. This day definitely makes it into our hall of fame.

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After a good 2 hour nap, we groomed ourselves fastidiously for the next event. The next card was dessert at Old Hickory Steakhouse in Grapevine. Located inside The Gaylord Texan, this steakhouse is where Heather and I spent our 1 year anniversary. It was great to return 2 years later and enjoy amazing desserts and champagne. Their lemon cannelloni won the award for best dessert in DFW for 2004. Mmmmm…..

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We ate our favorite deli sandwiches - The Reuben - and headed home for a nap. The next card was postponed because of the weather. She had planned for her mom to meet us at a park in Southlake or Colleyville and take some photos of us. It was too cold and we were tired anyway, so we headed home for a nap.

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I opened my next card to discover that we were on our way to the movies!!!! We went to see Deja Vu, one of the films I’ve been wanting to see most for months! The movie was great, and it was time for the next card! The opened card gave me directions to eat on Grapevine Highway. I followed the directions, trying to figure out which place we were going to. Turns out they built a new McAllisters Deli by the Hometown Starbucks!!!! That deli has been our favorite up in Edmond, Oklahoma for almost a year. Heather rocks!

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As we wrapped up our time at Target, I found a pair of sunglasses I had to have while Heather searched for earrings.

On to the next phase!!!

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We’re still at Target. I want to show the pics. We didn’t get as many pics everywhere else as we did at Target, so this has to make up for it. Here we are roaming the aisles, trying to figure out why Target shoppers, though still somewhat resembling the underground Morlocks, are generally so much better looking than Wal-Mart shoppers.

Heather wouldn’t have tried on much of anything if I hadn’t grabbed a bunch of shirts off the rack that I knew she’d look hot in. I have a much more accurate notion of Heather’s hotness than she does. She’s smokin!!!!

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