“I tell you what. I never knew happiness until I learned to submit to my husband.” At first, I tried to politely ignore her and act like I was really into the game, even during those times when my son was sitting on the bench drinking water. But she persisted. “Yep. It’s just the way the Bible says. A woman is meant to submit to her husband.”

At this, I couldn’t resist. “Submit? Submit? Where in the Bible does it say that?” She quoted the book and verse and I forgot it after she told me. Also, I have never felt compelled to look it up since then. It’s been my experience that people who are familiar with obscure Bible verses, and have them at the ready, are the same ones who can extrapolate the oddest meaning out of the simplest phrase.

I looked around for my husband to see his reaction to all of this. Mercifully, he was prowling the sidelines watching the game and hadn’t heard any of the conversation. “It’s so freeing when you submit to your husband,” she continued. I snorted, “Yeah, that way when he messes up really bad, or misjudges a situation, you can sit back and say it’s all his fault.” To show her displeasure, the woman gave me a very un-Christian-like glare and moved her chair a few feet away.

The word submit has never been in the wedding vows and it’s an antiquated notion anymore to even have the word obey remain. Most brides bristle at the word and have it taken it out. I don’t know why the woman was trying to sell me on her idea that women should be submissive to their husbands. My thought on the subject was, “If you’re happy with it, good for you. But don’t get into my business and tell me I’m wrong.” Generally, the way my marriage works is, which ever one of us wants something the most, that person is usually who wins out. If we disagree on something, we debate it and try to convince the other why we’re right.

After the game, as we were walking back to the car, I told my husband about the woman’s gall. He said he liked the way our marriage was like a partnership. He didn’t want to be married to someone who was willing to keep her mouth shut and go along with whatever whim came to his mind, precisely for the reason I’d mentioned to the woman. If we both made a decision that went horribly wrong, we both would have a share in the blame.

Life’s too complex and stressful to have just one person in charge all the time. A marriage works better when both have equal say in what happens.

Four days before Christmas, my wife went into labor. Because of her personal convictions about health and wellness, she chose to have a natural childbirth at home. No drugs. No surgeries. No inducing to speed up the process. Just a natural, allow the birth to happen type of situation. At 3:30am on Friday morning, Heather started feeling very strong birthing waves (a.k.a. "contractions"), and she woke me up at 4am to start timing them. For the first hour of record, they were 7 minutes apart. We were big-time excited! I started texting my family to start praying over the birth. Well, within an hour or two, the birthing waves spaced out 20+ minutes apart, and my wife was seriously disappointed. I did my very best to encourage her. 

She went through spurts of heavy birthing waves off and on for most of the day. It wasn't until 2am Saturday morning that our midwife and her assistant came to our house to monitor the progress. They were absolute angels, giving my wife encouragement and comfort much more easily than I could. They knew what was normal and what wasn't, so they could speak to her with authority and calm her fears and questions. 

We were making little progress throughout Saturday morning. Then we sent out another request to friends and family to pray that this would happen sooner than later. At 3pm, Heather took a warm shower to relax and loosen up her muscles. She came out a different person. She had her game face on, and was full of determination like I've never seen. She began pacing the house and lifting her belly properly to put the baby's head right on top of the cervix. She was a woman on a mission.  

I won't give you all the details because those are intimate and shared only with my wife, myself, our midwives, and our two mothers. But I will tell you that at 9:46pm on Saturday, our daughter Kathryn Taylor Dessinger was born. And my beautiful wife had endured 42 hours of labor! Let me tell you, I was exhausted and I didn't have to do anything but face worry and be her emotional support.

This woman faced something that almost no women in our society choose to face anymore, and she did it with great courage. I've told her since that I consider her resolve to birth our baby naturally was much more courageous and difficult than what women went through 300+ years ago. They had no choice but to have babies naturally. Anesthesia wasn't available except for opium-like substances. But my wife had every avenue of pain relief available and chose not take the easy road for the sake of her baby. 

And because we did not induce the birth, our baby was born a perfect 7lbs. 8oz. at 2 weeks past her due date! She was perfectly healthy and VERY alert when she was born, and breastfed as soon as we could let her. Kathryn has done very well thus far and we are very gushingly proud parents. But I give credit to my wife, who made choices and stood by them even when she wanted the drugs mid-way through.

Our baby will be healthier and happier because of her choices, and I am forever grateful for that. I always want my child to have the very best we can offer her, so that she has every opportunity to live a full life. She will make mistakes and learn from them, but she will be equipped to face life as well as we can possibly arrange. 

Thank you, Heather, for being my heroine and an example to many others as well! Your standards can be difficult to live up to, but you prove that most of them can be attained by anyone who makes a choice and keeps it. I love you.

******* 

If you're married and would like to brag on your wife, post a comment below and give her kudos for specific things you love about her. If you're single, you can post a comment shout out to your future wife and tell us what she's like.  

1. Green Olives - as disturbing as this may sound to you, Heather not only craved green olives, she literally ate nearly two bottles of green olives in one day. Yes, she ate them by themselves, and, wait for it..... she drank the juice. Major ick-factor.

2. Chocolate Chip Cookies - one of the more enjoyable trips to the grocery store thus far consisted of extra chocolate stuffed chocolate chip cookie dough which we baked in the oven and ate with milk....mmmmm. Sadly, this was a short lived craving.

3. Potato Chips - the days of greasy food begin! On with the show!

4. French Fries - suddenly, the uber-healthy wife transformed into the uber-junk food wife. French fries were a popular culprit.

5. Vanilla Shakes - along the same vein as #3, Heather developed a sudden need for vanilla shakes twice a day.

6. Mango & Pineapple - though this one was short lived, it was good to see her craving something that represented an actual food group

7. Limes - yes, limes. Whole limes. She ate at least two limes with salt in one sitting. She just peeled them out of the rind, added salt, and down the hatch! Yeah, I couldn't do it either.

8. Orange Juice - we're starting to see a theme here. What is it about citrusy / tropical fruits that her body needs so desperately? Who knows, but I'm enjoying it too. Apparently, she's not the only one in need of a few vitamins.

9. Popcorn - what is it about salty foods? Salt is apparently more important than we realize. She's always liked popcorn, though. Maybe she has a sodium deficiency (shrug).

There you have it! The list is complete.

Strange how many things pregnancy affects that you don't expect. Not only has Heather had wicked morning sickness, our eating habits are worse than when I was a bachelor (is that even possible?). This is due to the fact that for three weeks, Heather couldn't prepare a meal without getting sick at the sight of it and then being unable to take a single bite. Hence, no more food prep... hence, fast food for Daniel..... hence, slightly rounder Daniel.

One can only hope that this extra roundness will not last. To quote Scripture (with a slight twist), "She must increase, and I must decrease." So be it, God willing.

"Despite the cynicism that weighs down so many men and women of our generation, I am convinced that a man and a woman can, and most definitely should, enjoy a lifetime of love in marriage. Our generation has not bought into the sugar-coated, fairy tale version of marriage sold by the media from previous generations.

We are men and women determined to find the REAL, to live the REAL, and to grow old together still insisting upon the REAL. This marriage between Aaron and Stacy is a picture of our own lives. Aaron is the "slightly" older, worn and weary version of us. Stacy is the youth, the amazing energy, and the promise of a future the Aaron in each of us so desperately needs.

This marriage joins man and woman, young and slightly less young. I have known Aaron for 12 or 13 years, and I have walked with him through some of his happiest mmoments in life, and also some of his most difficult. And through those 12 years of friendship, there are a few things I can say about Aaron with certainty:

First, he values sincere communication more than most men, and he pulls off being real and sincere without seeming less masculine.

Second, he has an uncommon sense of decorative style, which makes me wonder how he pulls this off without seeming less masculine.

Third, he desires to be a good father, and will do anything and everything in his power to make sure his children know that they are loved.

Fourth, he desperately needs Stacy in his life to be that wellspring of energy and vitality that draws out of him many amazing character traits which still lie dormant (everyone laughs)... I wasn't joking (everyone laughs some more).

Fifth, He taught me what it means to be a loyal friend. I learned from Aaron what it means to demand loyalty of oneself even when it is inconvenient.

Lastly, he has a God-ordained calling upon his life which he may or may not have yet understood, but through his union with Stacy he will understand in time as they continue on the path set before them.

It does my heart good to see Aaron find a woman who possesses the willingness to embrace the pursuit of the path and the life God has called them both to.

I do not know a great many things about God. Despite my years of asking and pondering, He is still largely a mystery. But if there is one thing I can say that I know about God, it is that loving and receiving love appear to be much more important to Him than merely following a set of rules. And if there is one thing every man should know in his heart, it is that at the end of the day, a man who lets his guard down and looks his beautiful wife in the eye without emotional protection is worth ten men who perform all the right daily rituals and husbandly tasks so they can check off their "to do" lists from a safe emotional distance.

No marriage will ever be easy. Let's be real. Nothing on the face of this earth is more difficult than maintaining a healthy, romantic, and intimate marriage.

But since we're being real, let's not forget that nothing else in our lifetime will ever possess the fragrant hope and opportunity for REAL companionship, REAL intimacy, and REAL fulfillment.

Aaron and Stacy, if nothing else, I challenge you to demand of yourselves to be REAL. Real in pain. Real in joy. Real, even in heartache or offense. And always pursuing a fresh, new way to maintain soft and vulnerable hearts... in other words, real in love.

May your lives be filled with this soft, scary, thrilling, unnerving, and ultimately liberating kind of love. May you find in each other the companion who captivates your heart, challenges your faith, and satisfies the God-given ache to never be alone again.

To the bride and groom!!!!

I’m really grateful to play a part in Aaron’s wedding. It’s difficult balancing that side with the job and medical sides simultaneously. I’ve felt scatterbrained lately, forgetting when I have appointments and when I need to do basic, common sense stuff.

Still, there is something in the air, a promise and a hint of transformation. I pray that God makes both Heather and I much healthier through these treatments, and that our relationship will get stronger and increasingly intimate as I continue to face my pain and let God speak truth to me where I previously believed lies.

If there is one word that describes the flow of my life, it would be either “growth” or “change”. Probably “change”, only because change is not always the result of growth, but sometimes of impatience or an unwillingness to grow. Sometimes we change the external in order to avoid the necessary internal changes.

We are less than 36 hours away from Aaron and Stacy’s wedding. Congratulations to them. I always wish them only the very best.

On to the next phase!!!

Heather wouldn't have tried on much of anything if I hadn't grabbed a bunch of shirts off the rack that I knew she'd look hot in. I have a much more accurate notion of Heather's hotness than she does. She's smokin!!!!

Phase 2:
I opened card number 2 to find a gift card for the two of us to spend at Target!!!! You can do pretty well with a good sized gift card at Target, believe me. We spent most of our time at Target looking at clothing and accessories. We planned on checking out some CDs, but never made it there. We had too much fun trying on clothes! Turns out that Heather has a thing for hats! Who knew?

More on the way…

We woke up early on Saturday and watched an old favorite teen movie, Can’t Hardly Wait. Heather then presented me with my anniversary card. It is the card of all cards, for in it lay the day’s adventures and activities.

More photos to come…