He’s a sharp contrast from my daughter who, when she was four, asked me where babies came from after watching a Rugrats episode on Nickelodeon. In it, Angelica asked her parents the same question and the adults panicked and stammered and rushed into the kitchen to “help each other with the beets.” I think the reason why my daughter asked about babies wasn’t out of genuine curiosity, but to see how I’d react. I calmly told her about how mommies have tiny eggs, not big eggs like chickens, and daddy’s have something called sperm, and when those two things get together, it makes a baby which grows inside the mommy. I didn’t get into how those two things get together. I figured we’d save that for another time when she’s older.

The reason why I bring this subject up is, at my son’s school, a speaker with a Texas-based abstinence group is coming to give a speech to parents about how to talk about the birds and the bees with their children. I checked out the website of the lady who is coming and noticed that, while the coming seminar will be directed at parents, she has also spoken to high schools students about abstinence.

When it comes to sex education, schools-especially those here in the belt buckle of the Bible belt of Texas-are wary of educating students in anything more than “just say no.”

When I grew up in Indiana, there wasn’t a big abstinence movement. My sex ed consisted of what I call a plumbing film in fifth grade which explained the inner workings of the female and male bodies. In sixth grade, the girls and boys were separated and the females where shown a filmstrip about menstruation I still recall the breathy female voice warning us, “Something wonderful is about to happen to your bodies…” My mother told me that if I had any questions after the film, I could come and ask her. My frustration with the film in sixth grade was that it didn’t state the obvious. I came home and ask my mom, “So having sex will get you pregnant, right?”

Finally, in ninth grade health, I had cool teacher named Mr. H. He had everyone anonymously write down any questions we had about sex and he answered every single one of them. Then he went through and explained all the different kinds of birth control available, from abstinence to the pill, and gave the failure rate of each method. Sadly, the class came too late for one of my classmates. At the end of ninth grade, she brought her son to school to meet her friends.

Is it really such a bad thing to teach girls how to keep from getting pregnant? Proponents of abstinence say that teaching kids anything other than saying no is giving consent for sex out of wedlock. But once those students turn into adults, wouldn’t it still helpful to know how to prevent pregnancy? When it comes to sex ed, I don’t think too much information is a bad thing.

I know at some point my life as a dual income no kids life will come to an end.  I do not know when and I am not sure how, but I know it will.  Much like young Princes Leia when she was standing on the Death Star looking out on to her home planet of Alderan, at some point the governor is going to give the order, the guns are going to power up and the planet will be blown to smithereens.  That is what having children is like, watching your home planet get blown to smithereens.

I feel like my friends that have children are like Eliza Doolittle from “My Fair Lady” and that they are singing “Just you wait, Henry Higgins, just you wait!”  Now I do not have tangible proof that this is the case, however, this weekend we went on a mini-vacation with friends who have a child and I could have sworn I heard her singing this song.

“Just you wait, Mr. Callaway, just you wait!
You’ll be sorry, but your tears’ll be too late!
Children move slow and cost lots of money;
Will anyone help you?  Don’t be funny!
Just you wait, Mr. Callaway, just you wait!”

“Just you wait, Mr. Callaway, just you wait!
With a child you suffer a prisoner’s fate!
They will be screaming in the malls;
They will be running down the halls!
Just you wait, Mr. Callaway, just you wait!”

What scares me the most is everyone always says that their child is one of the best.  Really, one of the best?  So, I could have worse?  On no!  If I knew someone who was honest and they said, “Never in my life have I met a more hellion child then mine”, then I might feel better.

You see, now I would have a worse case scenario that I could begin to weigh the cost against.  Here is potentially the worst child in the world, is it worth it to me to have that?  After weighing the probabilities of having this, this Rosemary’s baby, then I can come to a conclusion that balances the risk/reward quotient.  As it stands now I do not know what I am getting into because all parents suffer from Stockholm’s Syndrome.  They have identified with their captors and think that they are treated better then most other hostage victims.  Very tricky these little captors they are.

Again, do not get me wrong, I did not mean to treat you wrong.  Children are a vital part of our economy and eco-system.  If it was not for children then we would not have adults and adults are what make the world go round.  However, it would really help if we could have the same choice that sharks have.  If they must, they can eat their young, no questions asked.  I am sure children would be better behaved if they knew that was a possibility.

In the end, like the brave Texans defending the Alamo I am in a losing battle.  The forces of children are all around me with no possibility of escape.  I also know that when I do become a dad I will become one of those dads that drive me crazy.  I will be asking the next young couple that I meet the burning question that just simply must be asked.  The question that I am dying to hear the answer to, the one that inquiring minds want to know.  “So, when are you having kids?”

I will then follow it up with how it is the best thing to ever happen to me and that I would not have it any other way.  I will have become institutionalized just like in the “Shawshank Redemption”, at first you hate the walls, then you grow accustomed to them, after awhile, you can’t live without them.  That is institutionalized.

The American Academy of Pediatrics' official policy says:

"Despite its common acceptance, spanking is a less effective strategy than timeout or removal of privileges for reducing undesired behavior in children. Although spanking may immediately reduce or stop an undesired behavior, its effectiveness decreases with subsequent use. The only way to maintain the initial effect of spanking is to systematically increase the intensity with which it is delivered, which can quickly escalate into abuse. Thus, at best, spanking is only effective when used in selective infrequent situations."

Though he acknowledges that many well-adjusted adults were spanked as children, Dr. Spock agrees with the AAP and offers several reasons why he discourages the use of spanking:

1. Spanking as a replacement for instruction leads to resentment and the desire to avoid being caught.

2. Spanking teaches a child that the bigger, stronger person has the power to get his/her way.

3. Children react better to praise and high expectations.  

Refuting Spock's Statements

Responding to Dr. Spock isn't the goal here, but let's briefly answer these statements so we can continue moving forward.

1. Spanking doesn't have to be a replacement for instruction. To refute spanking on those grounds is to address a non-issue. Perhaps some parents ignore teaching and instructing their children. That, however, does NOT make spanking responsible for this decision. Baby and bathwater, people. Stick to the issue. What about instructing your children AND spanking when necessary? 

2. Spanking can have this affect on a child if the child's heart is not tended. Cruel punishment of any kind will breed resentment, and a rebellious heart WILL look forward to the future when he/she has grown large enough to defend himself/herself. Again, this is an argument against the abuse of spanking, not the correct use. 

3. Children do in fact react well to praise and high expectations. The missing element in both Spock's and the AAP's positions is that of training. If you train your child as a baby to obey and focus on disciplining a child toward good behavior rather than only punishing bad behavior, you are much more likely to produce a well-balanced person.

Why Spanking is Still Necessary

If a child is trained as a baby onward, he/she will be tuned to obey the parent's instructions. If the process is followed from To Train Up a Child, you will be able to apply spanking as it was intended. We can't go into all the purposes here, but reading the book should excite you like it excited me. 

Spanking is still necessary because a child has a conscience. A child violates his/her conscience and feels guilty. This child needs to be absolved of guilt and forgiven. Punishment/Discipline needs to be administered in such a way as to wipe the slate clean.

Spanking is NOT to be used as an instrument of venting your anger.

Spanking is NOT to be used as a method of scaring your children into obedience.

Spanking is NOT to be used to turn your children into Pavlov's dog.

Properly applied, spanking relieves the child's conscience and resets the clock. Explain to your child what is right and how what they did was wrong. Tell her that you love her and that your love for her never changes. After instructing and reaffirming your child, a spanking is payment. It teaches the child about sowing and reaping. It teaches the child that decisions have consequences. And by loving your child before and after, you can guard your child's heart against fearing a loss of acceptance based on behavior. No one really wants a child who feels the need to perform for acceptance. 

Spanking is guarding your child's heart from permanent guilt and shame. Without proper punishment, a child knows she has gotten away with wrongdoing. It eats at her little heart. If unchecked over time, a child will learn to believe that she is a bad person and that there are no consequences. She wants in her heart to be a good person, but doesn't know how on her own to achieve this. Her heart is actually relieved by receiving a punishment that stings but allows her to start over, having paid for her mistake. 

Whether you read the Bible or not, there is a reason why it says, "He that spareth the rod hateth his son." Your choices as the parent make declarative statements over who your child will be. Don't spare your child the ability to reset his or her conscience. Don't rob your child of a clean conscience. Offer your child the opportunity to live free from guilt and shame. Only without a lifetime of suppressed guilt and shame will your precious child ever live to be a well-balanced, fully functioning adult. 

Whether the appearance of a few sex offenders in ice cream trucks is a sign of deceitful strategy or simple gainful employment remains to be seen. But let's be honest. Shouldn't a sex offender be building houses or cleaning office buildings instead of befriending our kids on the street?

How are these sex offenders getting hired? That's the bigger question. Someone somewhere is seriously endangering the safety of our communities by not conducting thorough criminal background checks.

This isn't meant to scare you parents out there, though it is meant as a warning. Know your surroundings. Assume nothing. Get to know the people your children come into contact with. Be watchful, and your children should be more than safe. 

Now before you send me hate comments and tell me it’s all the fast-food industry’s fault for injecting saturated and deadly trans fats into their products, or that nutrition is just too murky and complex of a subject for common folks to wrap their minds around, let me explain.

My daughter goes to a typical Texas mega-middle school that looks like a mall on the inside. It was built to educate 500-plus suburban sprawl students. Like many schools of its kind, the access is limited and there is only one area that the school recognizes as the drop-off zone, the lane that runs directly in front of the building. About five or six cars at a time should be able to unload their kids from this lane and drive off so the next five or six can pull up and deliver their children. But is this what happens?

I’m not a patient person anyway, but my knuckles become white gripping the steering wheel when I see parents wait until they are directly in front of the door of the building to release their kid. The majority of the parents do this. And I’m four cars behind waiting for each one in front of me because my daughter got out as soon as we were in the drop-off zone.

Invariably when the child gets out, he waddles up to the door because he’s overweight. It amazes me that in this age of skyrocketing obesity rates, for children and adults, parents don’t make their kids walk a couple hundred extra feet.

Being heavy isn’t all the child’s fault. It seems that adults are doing everything they can to discourage children from any kind of exercise.

The principal at Kent Gardens Elementary School in McLean, VA informed students that the game tag wasn’t allowed anymore because the game was sending too many students to the nurse’s office. Other games not permitted at this school are touch football as well as dodgeball, break dancing and tug-o-war. Now, instead of tag, students engage in “structured lesson plans overseen by phys ed teachers that stress chasing, fleeing and dodging but limit physical contact.” Gee, that sounds like fun.

We’re raising a bunch of overprotected weenies. When adults micromanage playtime, there’s no room for imagination. If parents are too afraid of their children being hurt playing an innocent game, then what exactly is allowed? Video games while sitting on the couch?

Two years ago, my son chipped his two front teeth on the blacktop at school while playing tag. I chalked it up to kids are kids and these things happen. When they’re playing, there is a chance children will get hurt, but they’ll get over it and move on. And isn’t that a valuable lesson that we all need to learn as adults coping in the real world?  

Let me draw a picture of the circumstances around which I experienced colic. During my last month of pregnancy with my second child, I was pressing certain stressful issues with my first child that was going turn two years old, ten days after the baby was due. Potty training was still in the near finalized stage. There were some day-time accidents, mostly when I didn’t haul my daughter fast enough down the hallway to the potty. That was the biggest problem with the potty training; she always needed to be accompanied.

Our other issue was her transition from a crib to a toddler bed. This was a tough transition. Don’t frown at me, she was my first child and I probably didn’t develop proper sleeping habits with her. Since the time she started sleeping in a crib until shortly after the baby was born, my oldest girl needed to hold my hand until she fell asleep. Ask any parent and they will tell you, potty training and toddler bed transition are huge steps to go through, let alone rush through them because of an impending birth of another child. Now add to it the change in my husband’s work schedule which didn’t bring him home until nearly four in the morning.

The due date came and the c-section went well as planned. This allowed me five days and four nights to slowly re-enter mommyhood with a newborn baby. The hospital’s light fare was far from filling but that was the idea since they wanted me to drink plenty of water because of my choice to breastfeed. Let’s fast forward now to the first week at home. My personal dairy intake was nearly back to normal. I am originally from Wisconsin, milk at every meal and cheese on everything. My husband’s vacation was over and he returned to work.

Just as this occurred so did the nightly crying stints that lasted from two to four hours at a time. I did not experience anything like this with my first daughter. I thought something was seriously wrong. At the newborn’s two week check-up everything seemed normal. I inquired about the strange (and long lasting) crying behavior. I was told to practice techniques to help the baby expel gas.

Another couple of weeks went by with no improvement. I made several calls to the nurses at the hospital, to the doctor’s office and to other mothers that I know. Gas, Gas, Gas. Well, everything that I tried to relieve my angel didn’t work. I was getting no sleep and the crying started moving to all hours of the day and night. This not only affected me, but now my older daughter was suffering too. Instead of giving her attention, I was constantly pacing the house with a crying babe. My husband did what he could to relieve me but there wasn’t much he could do. Everyone was in a state of short temper. This, of course, is quite normal for the circumstances.

Eventually, my six week post partum appointment came up. My doctor was asking me questions that were all related to post partum depression. I could hear my baby crying from the waiting room in my husband’s arms. I broke down and cried uncontrollably myself for several minutes. I explained to my doctor what was going on at home. This woman got teary-eyed with me as I told her everything. She said she went through the same ordeal more than a decade ago with one of her children. She went through my diet with me, suggested that I cut out ALL dairy. I was stunned at the advice but at this point I would have done nearly anything. She then told me to call her in a week and tell her my progress or the lack of.

On the way home, my husband and I talked about the possibility that our baby might be temporarily lactose intolerant. This condition was completely foreign to me, the dairyland princess. The idea of cutting out all dairy felt similar to someone quitting smoking or drinking. I truly did go through a dairy withdrawn. I didn’t get the shakes but I most certainly have the mood swings from it.

There was no change after the first couple of days but after five days, suddenly I noticed her sleeping better and was less fussy. After about two weeks of being lactose free, my baby’s mood was different. She did have a lot of gas still but she did not cry nearly as much as she did. I would occasionally slip up, drink a glass of milk or sneak a slice of cheese, her crying would begin when her body would try to process the dairy and end when it would leave her system. We finally made it to her fourth month and I was told to slowly introduce yogurt back into my diet. Little by little and month by month a new dairy item was brought back into my life and hers. Now at ten months old she is drinking two ounces of cow’s milk out of a sippy cup every other day.

Here is my advice in helping to cope with colic. Be persistent with doctors, nurses, helplines and other parents. For everyone in your family to be healthier and happier, you have to get to the bottom of what is going on with the constantly crying child. Ask for help from family, friends or neighbors. Whether it is help with your other children or making a meal, there is no shame in asking for help. Most importantly, give yourself down time. You are not a bad parent for setting the crying child down safely in a crib and walking away for five minutes.

If there is absolutely nothing you can do to console the child, give yourself a few minutes break. It makes all the difference. I wasn’t told this piece of advice until it was nearly the end of the colic chronicles. I wish someone would have told me it was okay to let a crying child cry. The good news is that we all survived. Although that was the longest four months of my life, at least I can say my baby has excellent lungs (and still does).

My oldest girl is not overweight …yet. I attempt to have “running around” time where I chase her around the apartment. I do stimulate her creativity with arts and crafts, and inspire her imagination with actually playing with her and her toys. Somehow I feel it just is not enough. Somehow I feel I have to deal with the temper tantrums and turn off that television for several hours out of the day.

I have now noticed that my nine month old will actually pay attention to the television as well. I wonder if I have done my children a great disservice by allowing them to fall into the television trap. Honestly, my two children are very intelligent. My oldest daughter does know the basics in operating a computer keyboard and mouse. She also knows how to open up her favorite games on the computer.

I recall when I was a child. Television time was monitored strictly. I was the remote control. I was also constantly told to go outside and play. I seem to recall the phrase, “If you are bored, I could give you something to do to cure that condition!” However, those just cannot be and will not be options that my daughters face. This makes me seriously wonder if they are missing out on something.

I’ve watched all of the shows that I allow my daughters to watch. I have nothing but positive thoughts on the shows hosted on the PBS station. I have some reservations on some of the other shows. As an example, SpongeBob SquarePants is one of my oldest daughter’s favorite shows. I think the show is funny, rarely disturbing but also has taught my little girl things I was not ready or prepared to deal with.

She knows that hitting is wrong, but SpongeBob and his friend, Sandy, play karate spars and seem to have so much fun doing it that my daughter thought it was okay for her to do around the house as well. Perhaps it is not my maternal ability in question after all. Perhaps a sign that I am a decent parent is the fact that I am worried about such a small issue in the lives of my daughters. I reinforce manners, teach the alphabet and numbers, sing songs, play, laugh and learn every day with my girls. I am hoping the time we spend together will hopefully make up for that darn television that has become a part of our family.