For the last 10 days that is exactly what I have been doing.  No blogging, very little e-mail and no work.  Let me tell you, I feel so much better because of it.  This vacation was not anything big, we were only 90 miles from home and just swam and rode bikes up at Lake Texoma.  We were of course shocked to see how bad the market had done in that short period of time and how dramatically it appears the Presidential election may have changed but I digress.

Anyway, my point is this, take time away from the Crackberry, the Internet, the daily schedule, text messaging and Facebook and see how much better you will feel.  Of course, when you come back, all the work that you needed to do will be there waiting for you but it is worth it.

This wasn't really the first time I'd been in such a group, but it was the first time I'd been to one in Dallas, and I really wasn't disappointed at all. There was the smell of incense as we went through a guided meditation, and then we learned the basic history of Reiki and received  our first of four levels. That first night I really walked out of there feeling changed, like something deep inside of me had moved.

I went to the subsequent classes and wound up learning a lot about myself. For instance-  I can meditate, where as before I had never really been able to (I'm highly ADD) and  I even enjoy it. This little sect in Dallas, which is just a little bit of this community in Dallas, truly provided me with a great deal of peace when I needed it the most.  Granted, I am a former massage therapist and knew what to expect, but I never knew that it even existed until I reached out to it.

I think one of the major problems in this society is that we've lost touch with ourselves. Between work and responsibilities, most of us barely have time for ourselves. We rush and rush and when we're done we just veg out in front of the television or the computer. This has an adverse affect on our health- physical and mental,  and we aren't allowing ourselves to heal from the stress of every day life. Sometimes we need to slow down- or even stop-  and just be.

The holistic healing community in this city reaches far and wide, and welcomes all people with open arms. Even if you think it's a bunch of  nonsense, you should at least try it. You never know. Go to a lecture, take a class on something you've always been interested in (Accupressure, Aromatherapy, Reiki, Massage) , or just go and sit somewhere quiet and still with a bit of a breeze- and remember to breathe.

Every time one of those Christian Life commercials showing children and families from Third-World countries came on the television, I would grab the remote and change the channel. “If they know they are so poor, and can’t afford to eat, why do they keep having children?” I would always say to my mother. She would just shake her head at me and tell me I had no compassion, and I would agree with her.

Up until a few years ago, I was still acting like a spoiled little brat. I had no sympathy or compassion towards anyone, and often times, I would turn my nose up at less fortunate people and charities. While browsing in The Body Shop, I came across a bracelet the store was selling where 100 percent of the proceeds went to researching AIDS. I don’t know anyone with AIDS or HIV, but something inside of me went on like a light switch, and in that moment, I felt like the Grinch, my heart grew.

As I was staring at the box of bracelets, the girl at the register asked if I needed help picking out a colour. I decided to go with the red one, to coincide with the AIDS red ribbon. The price of the bracelet was not even $14, but the best, and most rewarding part of that purchase was the Body Shop employee saying, “Thank you for your donation.” The main idea behind the bracelet I bought is that the person wearing it is supposed to keep it on until there is a cure for AIDS. On the inside of the bracelet it reads, “Until there’s a cure” and offers the website, www.until.org. That was almost four years ago and the only time I have taken it off has been to clean it.

Last December, I became aware of TOMS Shoes. The idea behind TOMS is that for every pair of shoes someone purchases, a pair is donated to a child in need in a Third-World country. Once again, something in me lit up and I wanted to help I spent a mere $40 and felt so fabulous knowing that I had just helped someone in need. Whenever I wear my TOMS I feel great and whenever people ask where I got my shoes, I tell them, but I also tell them what TOMS Shoes does.

Slowly but surely, I find myself wanting to do more. A few months ago, I sponsored two friends in a run for cancer. I felt so good after and I wasn’t even participating. It is definitely easy for this generation to become more active in charity work, especially with all the celebrities campaigning (think Bono, Bob Geldof, Paul McCartney, Ryan Gosling). Behind every celebrity is a charity of choice, whether it be for children in poverty, war ravaged countries or animals, advocating and campaigning has gone beyond the point of being trendy, it is a necessity.

So what can you do to help? Here are some things to start you off:

1. Clean out your closet.
We buy so much and hoard everything, so why not take a take to clean and sort out everything that you do not need or are not using. Donate everything to a thrift store, the Salvation Army or the Red Cross.

2. Educate yourself.
Not educating yourself about world issues is probably the worst thing anyone can do (or not do). Read up on Darfur, or what a local charity does in your community, because guaranteed, you will want to help once you know more.

3. Volunteer your time.
Lend a hand in a soup kitchen, or become a street team member to advocate. Write a letter to your local politician about an issue you are passionate about and ask for change. Who knows, your one letter could start a domino effect.

4. Spread the word.
Once you have educated yourself, do not hold onto that information. Tell your friends about what you have learned, how they can help, and what you can do as a team to help others.

The most rewarding part is knowing other people are benefiting from your kindness and charity. You do not have to donate hundreds or thousands of dollars to charities to make a difference, a donation as small as $1, or even an hour of your time can a big difference.

I enjoy being an easily amused individual who doesn't "act her age". Not only do Ienjoy it, I embrace the level of maturity I lack in everyday life. What is so fun about being "mature" anyway? Mature people pay bills, have responsibility, hate their jobs, cuss in traffic and look forward to 5 o'clock; I do all of that because it's part of being an adult.

However, while I have no problem being a responsible adult, it's not something I thoroughly enjoy most of the time. I don't giggle while paying bills, smile while sitting in traffic, or look forward to medical checkups and morning staff meetings. I do enjoy road trips with my friends, ordering a kid's meal if the toy is cool, grabbing a coloring book if I'm in the mood, playing in the toy aisle and finding entertainment from time to time on both Disney Channel and Nickelodeon. And while I know I could be brushed off as someone who doesn't want to let go of their youth, I choose to see myself as someone who embraces the sillier parts of life.

I'm single with no children, much to the dismay of my mother, who in comparison had been married for almost a decade with 2 children by the time she was my age. My daily life doesn't revolve around baby-sitters, mortgages and college funds. Instead, I'm trying to decide what concert I will attend this weekend, which out of town friends to go visit and that I've sent off the next student loan payment.

Do these things make me less mature? To some people, I'm a slacker who refuses to grow up. But what do they know? The days of the Cleaver's and Brady's are dead and gone. The unwritten rule stating we should go to college, get married, buy a house, and have kids by 30 is no longer the norm. Sure, plenty of people still follow that life plan and that's fine and dandy; but many people are bucking tradition, which I think is rad. Yes, you read that correctly. I used the word "rad." I'm bringing it back, so help me out and use it in conversation later today.

OK, that was off topic. Back to those crazy pseduo-adults.

Maybe the college graduates of today don't get married until 35 or 40. Maybe they skip college to become an intern and work their way up the corporate ladder. Maybe they pass on the family and white picket fence for a stylish urban loft and a job that allows them to travel the world. Where is the problem in all of this?

There is no right or wrong way to live your life. I don't recommend aspiring to become a homeless crackhead, but as long as you are happy, who am I to judge? I love my life, and despite not being where I saw myself at this age, I couldn't be happier (well, not unless I won a million tax free dollars - nonetheless I'm content).

So maybe I'll never read the New York Times and I probably won't own an iPhone anytime soon. Yet somehow, I will manage. I'm still waiting on someone to tell me what "acting my age" really means; apparently I didn't get a copy of the manual that provides details on how one's behavior should change with each passing birthday.

There are all sorts of things I could toss out right now: "You're only as old as you feel" or "Age is nothing but a number." While both make my point about age and maturity, I could also just turn to the next person telling me to act my age, put my thumb to my nose, wiggle my fingers and stick out my tongue. How mature.

The most notable mental alteration is the metamorphosis in my preferences of the opposite sex. I can remember when I was a senior in high school (RHS  ‘96….whoo whoo Go Raiders!) and in a moment of pure enlightenment, I realized that every girlfriend I had ever had was blonde-haired and blue eyed. Many would write this off as a classic case of the Oedipus complex. Sure, I hated my father, who didn’t. And yes, I loved my mother, but not in *that* way. I think that it stems more from lack of exposure to other sects of our culture. I ended up forcing myself to date brunettes, Asians, redheads, and all sorts of other women. It worked.

This led to my next major change in preference. Redheads. Nature’s ugly ducklings. In my entire K-12 school experience, I cannot remember more than maybe 2 redhead girls that I’d ever have called pretty (Just in case they are reading this: I’m talking about you MM and JH….call me). I personally feel that the fact that most redheads have to learn to love their uniqueness causes them to develop personality traits that are much deeper than your average blondes. I think that it also causes the gestation of the “crazy” gene.

The “crazy” gene not only affects the carrier, but it also affects the person that they date. Seriously, the only time I have ever found myself standing in the rain, in my bathrobe, banging on my girlfriend’s window, at 3am was when I was dating a redhead. Yet, I still find myself strangely attracted to them. Like a moth to the flame of an acetylene torch. I think Limp Bizkit’s Fred Durst said it best, “everyone that burns has to learn from the pain”. He also said, “I pack a chainsaw, I’ll skin your ass raw”, so what does he know? I’m not sure if my redhead phase is a phase I’ll ever outgrow.

Lately, I have noticed that I have started to develop a “thing” for girls with tattoos. And by “tattoos”, I’m not talking about the girls that have the (soon to be mandatory) lower back tattoo  or the tiny flower on or around their hip. I’m talking about the girls (women) with full sleeves  and chest pieces. I’m talking about a minimum of 20% ink coverage. I’m not sure what has brought about this attraction. Maybe I’m envious. Maybe I just like art. Maybe I can appreciate the pain that was endured. Whatever it is, it’s hot.

I finally understand the moniker “suicide girls”. It’s not a bunch of girls that want to kill themselves (as my grandmother so eloquently put it during dinner this past Thanksgiving). “Suicide girls” are the girls that I’d kill myself to date. That is if I was ballsy enough to approach any of them and ask for their number.

Unfortunately for me, I’m too logical. I am the Bobby Fischer of the dating scene. I’m always thinking 8-10 steps ahead. In this case, Instead of living in the moment and enjoying tattoos in their freshly inked glory, I tend to see what a girl will look like when that fresh ink is all faded and saggy. I blame that on myself. I have a bad tattoo that has been faded since about a week after I got it (12 years ago) to remind me that tattoos, like beauty, do fade. To that I say, “such is life”. Maybe I’ll just ride this mental phase out and get my hopes up for the next “thing” that does it for me.

How do you handle anxiety? Everyone's different. Me? I have a very hard time shifting gears once anxiety has set in. I don't do pills or professional therapy, so that leaves me with more natural / do it yourself types of coping. Let's take a quick look at some ways I overcome anxiety:

1. Soothing music
Elevator music doesn't qualify. My #1 album for soothing nerves is Sade's "Lovers Rock." #2 would be Josh Groban's "Closer." Andrea Bocelli used to be my #1, but I've worn out his albums and have to wait to listen more. 

2. Nature
This only works given the right seasons of the year and/or geographic location. When I spent two years at a mortgage company, I spent a LOT of my time outside. I let the sun warm my face as the breeze lazily moved the tree tops and birds chirped away in those branches. It was my momentary paradise, and it brought a sense of calm. 

3. Nutrients
Certain herbs and supplements help to improve mood. Sublingual B vitamins uplifts mood by promoting energy and positive outlook, and liquid chlorophyll helps the body feel hydrated. Both are essential to a sense of well-being. 

4. Smells
While my wife was pregnant, we shopped for scented essential oils at Whole Foods Market. We also did some study to find out which smells affect mood in which ways. Despite the fact that I don't especially care for the smell, Ylang Ylang really works wonders on my mood, as does sandalwood and honeysuckle (not together). We bought one of those little oil burners and we just put a few drops into it and light one of those really small and cheap candles beneath it. The room is filled with fragrance and your mind can slowly drift into a better mood. 

5. Scenic Walks
Though I don't get the chance to do it anymore, I used to love walking around the canal in Las Colinas. I'd eat my lunch quickly and then take a 20+ minute walk along the canal. Something about water calms me. The mild exercise is good as well for increasing metabolism and shaking off feelings of slothfulness and lethargy. 

6. Computer Games
When I need to mentally check out for a good 20 minutes to regroup, I play Chess, Spider Solitaire, or Hearts. They're simple games that don't require a long time to play, but the distraction helps me regroup when my mind is stuck on something stressful or a deadline is pressing in on me. 

7. IMing my wife
A quick IM session with my wife will always boost my spirits. She is such a huge encouragement to me. We share the feeling that we are in this together, and we encourage each other when it's tough. Just talking to her removes that feeling of "I'm all alone in this problem." I don't even have to share my problems with her. I just want to know that someone is on my side. That's enough. 

There are a few others, including re-reading specific verses in the Bible, that help me as well. Sometimes I learn a truth and forget it. Revisiting truths that bring calm and peace are essential to actually improving your thoughts long-term.

The first seven are coping mechanisms. But the more permanent improvement of your mood comes from training your mind to think thoughts that are good and true. Meditating on positive and peaceful thoughts (thinking about them again and again) help you switch trains of thought in your brain and your mind will learn over time to habitually think better thoughts instinctively, which is what you really want. Unlearning the negative responses to thoughts takes some time, but really, what is more important than feeling good and enjoying a fulfilling life? You'll do what it takes when it's important enough to you to get results. Even if doing what it takes means beginning by asking questions. 

“Oh my God! You’re old now!”

“What are you going to do now that you’re old?”

“Will you buy my mom a beer?” (asked by a kid approximately 9 yrs old in a local bar on the night of my celebration)

And here’s the best one…..“Do you feel any older?”

And honestly, my answer is “No. HELL NO!” I don’t. I really, really don’t. And no, I’m not trying to convince myself of anything here. And at the same time, I’m not going to go off and start saying, “30 is the new 20.” That doesn’t even make sense. Why would anybody want to be 20 again? I wouldn’t mind being 21 with all of the knowledge of women, business, and education that I have now. The bad thing is….I’d still screw up relationships, dislike my job, and it would probably still have taken me 10 years to graduate college. Speaking of….maybe that is why I don’t feel so old. No….that can’t be it.

Could it just be that I have made a conscious effort not to feel old? I can’t do anything about the random grey hairs that are coming in. And I’m probably not going to put in the extra effort to make that last 10lbs of belly go away. But I can make the decision to not let my life be dictated by being 30. So what if I am? I still look 28 and all of my ex-girlfriends will confirm that I’m just as immature as a 12 year old. I still buy comic books, sleep until noon, want to be a rock star (just not this guy), watch Saturday morning cartoons  (in my superhero underoos), and wear jeans to church. Why??? Because I can.

At the same time, I know that I have grown up a little too. Here is how I know. I no longer look at girls that I date in terms of “I wonder long before we’ll sleep together?”, I have started looking at them and wondering if I’m going to be able to look at them every morning and not want to run. I have also made all sorts of efforts respond to my correspondence on a regular basis. I used to be the worst about reading email and clicking DELETE or throwing a letter away after reading it. Now, I make the time to reply. OH and I actually write thank you letters. If you don’t do it now…..Start immediately. Another thing that I have had to “teach” myself to do is bust my ass to keep my commitments or I pick up the phone and let someone know AND I take the time to reschedule (if it is something that can be rescheduled). All of these things are lessons that I learned the hard way. They were hard lessons to learn.

The hardest part of it all was that I wasn’t ready to learn this a few years back. Now that I think about it, maybe it isn’t such a bad thing that I have gotten “old”. So…..to all of you “old” people out there, and all of you soon to be old people remember this: You will always be younger than all of the people who are trying to convince you that you’ve gotten old. And if all else fails…..there is always wine. You’re probably old enough to enjoy a nice glass.

A new year, new time, A new you? Who knows? Only you, I suppose. Your actions and your way of thinking that will determine weather or not you are the renewed you or the regular old you! If you are happy with the old you then DON’T CHANGE A THING! If you're not, now is the time to make those adjustments

For many of us, the new year is a clean slate. We are invigorated by what the future holds if we just follow through with our plans. HMMMMMM! Follow
through, starting something and finishing it, going all the way, completion.
How easily completion eludes us, when we get tired or bored or the task
becomes too difficult.

So some advice, start off small, complete small tasks set for yourself and
build your way to bigger and bolder endeavors. As the tasks become easier to
complete, gradually escalate your level of difficulty to challenge yourself
however not so much to become discouraged. Set short term, achievable goals
and then move forward. Completion and feelings of achievement not only feel
good but build stamina and confidence. You will accomplish more if you feel
good about yourself and you know that you have completed projects that you
have started in the past.

Whatever it is that you want to achieve, YOU CAN ACHIEVE IT! YOU CAN HAVE
IT! YOU CAN DO IT! This is not about anyone but you! Encourage yourself,
become self determined, self motivated, self sufficient. You are the only
one that can make the decision for you to be the you that you have always
wanted to be. Why not be that you now?

This is your year and your time to shine. What are you waiting for? Go out
there and make it happen.

2008 is Great because this is your year!

Happy Thursday!

No one wants to hear you wine and complain about what you ought to do or what you want to do and then watch you do nothing about it. You are wasting oxygen. If you actually want to do something, you will act on it. If you’re hungry, you’ll eat. If you’re thirsty, you will drink.  Why must you talk all of the time and do nothing you ever talk about?  It is so very annoying, and no one respects what you say because they know you will never take action.

The time is now to make change! The time is now to make a decision to move, to make your mark, become a new person by coordinating your thoughts with actions... by giving your words meaning. James Brown said it best in song when he said, “Talkin loud and sayin nothing!" Is that you?

All I am saying is this: we all talk about things - changes that we want to make in life. Why not do more than talk? Make it happen, take the step, and make the change. Go to the gym, invest that money, ask her to marry you, make thefirst move, learn how to play an instrument. Whatever it is, do it. There is more to life than wanting to do something. There is …….actually doing something. If you are not going to do anything, then do those around you a favor and keep quiet until you’re ready to act.

Talk without action is useless talk. Useful or useless... which one are you?

Happy Thursday!