When I graduated college, I couldn’t wait to get my own place. Apparently, that isn’t the case with many guys. The article quoted Michael Kimmel, a sociologist from the State University of New York at Stony Brook, and author of the book, “Guyland”. According to Kimmel, in 1960, almost 70 percent of men had reached adult milestones like leaving home, getting an education, getting married, starting work and becoming a parent, by age 30.

Today, less than a third of males that age can say the same. Kimmel interviewed almost 400 mainly white, college-educated twentysomething males and found that, instead of going out into the world and taking on responsibility, the men are drinking, sleeping around, and carousing with their buddies. I can understand the philosophy of living life to the fullest until one settles down. Shows such as Entourage and beer commercials make the bro life look appealing. But some men are living like shallow teenagers well into their thirties.

The article does mention a downside to living like a kidult. The General Social Survey, a survey conducted by the University of Chicago which tracks American culture trends says, twentysomething males are less likely to read a newspaper, attend church, vote for president or believe that people are basically trustworthy, helpful and fair. And in another survey done by economist Bob Schoeni with the Population Studies Center at the University of Michigan, many twentysomething males have a burdensome average of $20,000 in student debt and are reared with a sense of entitlement that keeps them from taking just any old job. The percentage of 26-year-olds living with their parents has nearly doubled since 1970 rising from 11 to 20 percent.

Another interesting statistic in the article states that Kimmel found that college guys believe 80 percent of their friends are getting laid every weekend, but in a survey of 18 to 22 year-olds, the number is actually closer to 10 percent, and the numbers get worse after graduating college.

I do know a couple of guys who would fit those profiled in Newsweek. My brother, who is 30, is still living at home, and is trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. My husband and I tease him and tell him he needs to move out. I also have a friend who is 40 (and spends about a $100 a week on video games) who told me, after living the single life all these years, “Okay, Lisa. I’m ready to settle down. You can introduce me to all your single friends, now.” The problem is I don’t have any single friends. I know one divorced woman and there is a reason why she’s divorced. “Trust me,” I told him. “You don’t want me to introduce you to her.”

The article ends with a quote from Scott Coltrane, the author of “Gender and Families” and dean of the University of Oregon College of Arts and Science, who says, “Men benefit from just being married, regardless of the quality of the relationship. It makes them healthier, wealthier, and more generous with their relatives. In general, those are the things that lead to happiness.”

I don’t believe that people should get married just because they think they have to. I’ve seen many divorces happen that way, and far too often, there are children involved. I feel the same way about people having children. I’ve seen kids treated more like accessories than children because their parents are too selfish to parent and thought they had to have a child to be happy. But I would think that living like gigolo would get old after a while. After all, eventually there comes a time people just need to grow up.

Those were the years when I used to meditate a lot, including early morning meditations at 3 a.m. in our living room.

After half an hour of repeating my mantra in the dark while sitting in a half-lotus position, my legs would start to go numb and hurt a little. When the pain started to get real bad, I would get up and return to bed.

I would lie down. After a minute or so, just before I drifted back to sleep...

It would start…

VIBRATIONS… a strong tremor that would start at my feet and the tip of my hands and wiggle its way up my limbs.

It scared me the first time it happened but I got used to it over time, until that early morning.

That night it again started with vibrations following a 3 a.m. meditation session.

Then SUDDENLY, without any prior warning, I found "myself" at the footer of our bed.

First I was thinking "wow, I'm at the foot of our bed"…

I very clearly remember even today the weaving of the fibers that made up our blanket.

I was that close to it, looking at it perhaps from an inch away, and marveling at the muted colors of the fibers and their intricate weaving pattern.

Then I realized "I" was actually still sleeping in bed, next to my wife!

That's when I PANICKED because I realized that the conscious ME that was examining the blanket up close and the other "me" still sleeping in bed next to my wife were different...

I'd be damned if I weren't having an OOBE – Out Of Body experience!

With that startling realization I literally SNAPPED back to my body with a jolt and woke up sitting straight.

My heart was in my mouth. I was scared and confused but the night was as quiet and untroubled as before. And my wife was sleeping right next to me, God bless her, unaware of anything that was going on.

I carried that unique experience with me for years, even after I quit meditating regularly.

It all came back to me the other day when I stumbled upon this volume in my local public library: The Journey of Robert Monroe: From Out-of-body Explorer to Consciousness Pioneer, by Ronald Russell.

This is not the first book to read about OOBE; it should be Robert Monroe's classic Journeys Out of the Body. If you haven't read it yet, trust me, it's nothing like you've read before. It's a true mind bender, especially coming from as worldly a character as Monroe was at the time he had his own first OOBE.

Russell does an excellent job in giving us the full context of Monroe's work and the detailed story of the ups and downs of the The Monroe Institute which still operates today in Faber, Virginia.

I'm wondering if any Culture Feast readers have had any similar experiences themselves?

And if so, whether such an experience has caused any changes in their religious and philosophical views on life?

Because as skeptical as I am towards my own experience, two things are certain:

1) I KNOW it was NOT a dream. Nor was it a hallucination or an illusion. (Disclosure: I never did any drugs in my life.) I knew and still am certain today that it was a genuine sensory experience, as real as my fingers typing out these words on the keyboard right now.

2) It did help me "understand" in a non-verbal and visceral way the "probable reality" lying behind postulates such as "we are more than our bodies," or "we are spirits inhabiting material bodies," etc.

I sometimes think a personal OOBE is the true missing link between our worldly-sensory model of reality and what most religions and spiritual disciplines are talking about.

Pick up Monroe's Journeys Out of the Body from your local library today and see what you think.

Picking up a book from the New Age section of Barnes & Noble was an unnerving experience for me. What mental traps might I be stepping into, I wondered. Reason prevailed, however. It is because of one idea that I will open my mind's doors to something labeled as an enemy by people sharing a similar faith to mine. The idea is best explained in several parts. They are:

1. All people are human, regardless of whether they live today or centuries ago
2. All humans are limited, fallible and incapable of knowing everything
3. Because of this, even the authors of our faith did not possess all knowledge or understanding
4. Because of the Canonization of Scripture and subsequent traditional beliefs of Scripture, many people fear to believe that we could learn anything new and true outside of Scripture because of how that might affect the strength of Scripture's primacy
5. Because of this, the Christian community has failed to lead the way in pursuing knowledge and understanding of God's universe. That task has been left largely to the secular community, which has done the best it knows how.
6. The secular community can provide scientifically tested data which indicates the probability of certain truths
7. Just because the scientific community can postulate certain truths (the what and where) does not mean that it can answer the ever valid and crucial questions of how or why (or even when)
8. If Christian leaders are not going to answer my questions, I must seek the answers on my own.
9. Since Christian leaders often fear to consider the possibility that nuggets of truth can be discovered by non-Christians, and since these leaders do not themselves search diligently for certain answers, they're assumptions cannot be automatically trusted
10. Since non-Christians can discover or understand (on some level) universal principles such as gravity, inertia, and harvest, they have the capacity to discover or understand other such universal principles which the Christian community has yet to understand or acknowledge
11. Since non-Christians will not often explain why a universal principle is true in a manner that instantly corroborates Scripture, I am responsible to sift the gold from the dross and accept only what either agrees with Scripture or might agree with Scripture upon further reflection and consideration.
12. Overt disagreements with Scripture must be discarded because we must have a solid starting point from which to work
13. We must challenge ourselves to find truths which support Scripture, explain/clarify certain mysteries in Scripture, and strengthen the body of Christ by filling in the holes which have riddled our faith over the years

Having said that, it might seem that we have left the Bible behind and have chosen more "exciting" texts to focus upon. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are finding ourselves led to sources of truth that support Scripture and make Scripture make sense to us in ways that we never before imagined.

For example, it's not enough to read the verse: "whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things."

Uh...what? For years, when I realized that my mind was constantly consumed with unhealthy thoughts, i'd rethink that verse and find myself at an absolute loss. I couldn't come up with a single really "good" thought. Which thoughts are pure? What thoughts are just? What kind of thoughts are lovely? What is a thought of good report? Seriously!

I realized that I had not conditioned myself to know these things. I had spent my adult life fascinated with morbidity, death, dying, crime, suspense, intrigue, suspicion, slander, and on and on. I had become one of the "bent ones." My thoughts were naturally bent towards selfish or less than holy issues.

Historians tell us that everyone once believed that the sun, stars, and planets revolved around the earth. It is referred to as the geocentric view. The heliocentric view (sun-centered) was suggested by some and considered heresy by the leaders of the time. As in many instances throughout history, scientific discovery has not been welcomed by religious or even political leaders. Men do express their own opinions throughout Scripture, as is obvious by David's crying out for the death and obliteration of his enemies and Solomon's declaration that everything is utterly futile and meaningless. Not necessarily views we should adopt. Then there was Peter's snubbing of Gentiles until set straight by Paul. You get the picture. We're all human.

It is the mature acceptance of these truths that enables us to allow something outside the realm of our comfort zone to challenge us and engage us. It is by setting and adhering to the tenets of our faith while simultaneously insisting on the pursuit of wisdom and understanding that we arrive at a rich and rewarding mode of existence.

The pursuit continues. For me, it continues with the reading and examination of The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne. This book contains possibilities which absolutely excite me. On the surface, it appears to elaborate on biblical statements such as, "As a man thinks in his heart, so is he," and "He who seeks, finds; to him who knocks, the door is opened," and "think on these things," and perhaps most importantly,

"The weapons of our warfare are not carnal (physical/earthly) but mighty in God for the pulling down of strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ."

What we see here that the weapons of a Christian are mighty to pull down strongholds, to cast down arguments and things that exalt themselves against the knowledge of God, to bring every thought captive. So the weapons of a Christian involve strongholds, arguments, knowledge, thoughts, and obedience.

We are being told that the weapons involve our minds. The language is dated, because of the period in which it was written, so we miss the point all too often.

More on this soon...

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Thanks for your patience.

I am notorious for insisting that people think about the “why” of everything. After all, it’s probably a waste of time if you can’t explain why you’re doing it, whatever “it” is.

One question we rarely ask ourselves: “Why am I craving this particular style of music or song?” Now, some things are just plain obvious. We listen to heartbreak or angry songs after a breakup because we either want to wallow in our misery or we want to lash out in anger for the pain we feel.

But what about the hip hop, the rap, the trance, the acid jazz, the trip hop, the what-the-heck-ever-is-out-there-these-days? If it’s not a ballad or a country song, do we know why we’re listening? Do we ever stop to consider it?

Driving to play basketball, I notice that I am more prone to listen to egocentric rap/hip hop. When I want to write I listen mostly to world fusion. When I want to sleep, I don’t listen to music.

And there are at least a dozen musical styles which I’ll enjoy once they’re playing yet would never select them given a choice. They simply aren’t what I crave.

I have to credit my wife with the original thought on this topic. She first noticed that she enjoyed certain types of music, and that it fed certain predispositions within her.

Another truth: you become what you behold. Very simply, that means you are always becoming like whatever holds your attention. In music, a person listening to rap is most likely to behave in an egocentric, show off, hero-complex sort of way. A person listening to country music is most likely to behave in a practical, slightly depressed way. A person listening to classical music is most likely lying to themselves about their musical taste. People don’t often crave classical music because cravings come from the need to drown something else out. Classical music doesn’t really possess the raw emotional power to tune out other life issues. The only people I’ve noticed listening to classical music are those who are hiding from confrontation in the world or are simply looking to escape it all if only for a few minutes.

Pretending makes us feel awkward, as though we are out of step with the rest of the world. Admitting makes us feel weak, ashamed, and disrespected by those whom we have trusted and have not taken our hearts seriously.

We find no middle ground. Not really. We cope as best we can; some with food, others with work, some with alcohol, others with drugs, still others with sugar and/or tobacco. We do what we can, compensating ourselves for the loss by allowing ourselves whatever it is that makes us fine.

But somehow we have to learn how to forgive. It is true that the act of forgiving doesn't really let the guilty go free; it lets the victimized go free. Holding onto the pain from an insult, offense, or betrayal only means that the person refusing to forgive cannot leave the pain and trauma behind.

God, grant us the grace to forgive, and the wisdom to choose it.

It's hard to imagine what a person must feel after losing a loved one to suicide. Heather describes those feelings, and admits to some that you wouldn't expect. Embarrassment, for one. The thought that her fiance was so desperately depressed that he would consider taking his own life, and that she never had the slightest clue. Ten years later, Heather Hays is getting married. At least some of the wounds have healed, and she has a man in her life now who makes her happy. Life is blossoming into something wonderful for her, and we wish her all the best. It is refreshing to read or hear about a celebrity who is down to earth enough to admit to experiencing real trauma and tragedy, especially when that someone offers so much positivity and hope for others with similar circumstances.

I have a newfound respect for Ms. Hays. She has self-published a book because she needed to write and to heal. Now she has moved on, because she chose to allow real pain and shame and anger rather than to ignore the overwhelming emotions.

I was watching the press conference after the Dallas Cowboys lost to the New York Giants on Monday night, and I couldn’t help cringing as the press asked Tony Romo their heartless questions. I felt bad for the guy, and I felt bad for Drew Bledsoe. Once upon a time, I wouldn’t have cared who asked or said what, but no more. When the press asked Romo boldly if he was taking Bledsoe’s place, I was a little angry. How do these people ask their questions without caring at all how Drew and his family feel?

Yeah, I know… It’s a sign that I’m getting soft. But, truthfully, I don’t care. I like being soft. I like caring about other people’s feelings. I prefer to handle other people’s fragile egos very gently. I don’t want to crush anyone. That hasn’t always been true, by the way.

So, in true Daniel-like fashion, I have developed a theory on this latest introspection. The theory is fairly simple and basic. It goes like this: the more wounds a person has that are getting bumped into, the more likely he or she is to have a hard heart for “protection.” The hard heart is what allowed me to like certain music back in the day. I was fully of energy, anger, resentment, and bitterness, and the music allowed me the chance to express it without punching someone.

My tastes have slowly changed over the years. I still haven’t arrived at the point of enjoying most classical music. I own quite a few classical and baroque cds, but most of them just don’t speak to me. The greatest change in musical taste for me has been the onset of world music fascination. I love world music. I have several of the Putumayo albums, and some random stuff from around the world including Egypt, India, France, West Africa, and New Zealand. I’ve found that beautiful music is what I’m after, and the lyrics being sung in a foreign language is an added bonus. That way I don’t have to focus on the words, and the voices become just another instrument.

It all expresses my changing tastes, both aesthetically and emotionally. I’m sure that some of you can identify. Music is now something primarily set in the background of my life, not at the forefront to express my emotions. It adds flavor, like a movie soundtrack, with an occasional concert thrown in the mix.