By Daniel Dessinger
December 30, 2008
Facebook bans breastfeeding photos, in case you’ve missed all the hullabaloo lately. Is public breastfeeding really obscene? Facebook seems to think so. At least, posting photos of nursing your child can get you removed from Facebook altogether. AllFacebook.com reported Monday that Facebook warned user Heather Farley to remove a photo of her breastfeeding her child. Farley emailed Facebook requesting an explanation.
“When Facebook didn’t respond to Farley’s email, she posted another photo and was threatened by Facebook to have her account deleted. This is when things got ugly—for Facebook, at least. Once Farley went public with her complaint against Facebook, stating that she felt bullied. So she protested.”
Facebook users posting breastfeeding photos like Farley have been warned to remove the “offensive” photos or risk losing their Facebook account. At the time of this posting, 83,000+ Facebook users have joined the Hey, Facebook, breastfeeding is not obscene! group to petition Facebook to stop harassing users with breastfeeding photos and to possibly change their TOS (terms of service) to make room for these motherly expressions.
There’s a much larger issue at stake here. One which neither Farley nor Facebook have the power to change. But the handling of this online situation and the attention it will bring could at least make the public aware of the issue on a level that is more open and honest than you’ll get by hearing some random bitter person’s opinion at the local Starbucks.
Why do people react so strongly to public breastfeeding? What is REALLY at issue here?
Sexual Confusion
Men and women alike have abysmally poor role models in their parents, extended family, and teachers. Men are taught by example to view breasts as a intensely sexual parts of the female body. They are one of the hottest visual hotspots on a woman. Many men face a sort of sexual confusion when their wives or girlfriends first breastfeed a baby. These parts of the body that were once dedicated solely to gratify their sexual desire now give off a very non-sexual, motherly vibe, and the men go into shock. That whole oedipal thing still hasn’t gotten sorted out by the male gender, and reminders that the very object of our highest affection is not really ours, but a highly functional and amazing tool for feeding and comforting children has some of us all out of sorts.
Many childless women (and some mothers) react much the same way. They have been taught by the fashion magazines, Hollywood, high school, and all of American culture to view their breasts as male magnets. Women are taught by example to identify with their bodies in a singular, sexual fashion, rather than in the simultaneously dualistic sexual/motherly/nurturing fashion.
Simply put, public breastfeeding is a slap in the face of American glam culture, centered around airbrushing, Photoshop, yoga-like contortions, and expensive lighting. We are earthy, natural creatures after all, and no amount of denial and avoidance will change that fact. Everyone trying to look, act, and live like they have the perfect enviable life want nothing to do with what they consider to be the basest of human functions. But we are doing ourselves a grave disservice to look down on public nursing as something crude, obscene, or improper. Breastfeeding is one of the most miraculous processes known to humanity, involving scientific and psychological marvels you haven’t even imagined yet.
On the other hand, there is something a bit artificial about a woman’s insistence on showing her baby nursing in a photo. What is the point? Someone said that it’s no different than showing a photo of your baby drinking from a bottle. Okay. I understand that perspective. But I don’t want to see a photo of a baby drinking a bottle either. You don’t need a photo of me with a forkload of spaghetti in my mouth, do you?
This is where we need to find balance. The REAL issue is whether a woman breastfeeding in the line of sight of others is obscene and improper, to which I must decidedly say no, it isn’t. It is good, healthy, and natural for a woman to nurse. A woman dedicated to nursing her child has every right to participate in the events of life, and should not be banished from the world because she takes the time and effort to feed her baby with the most nutritious and emotionally comforting food possible.
Still, what’s with the photos? I don’t get it. In the real world, I can notice a woman breastfeeding and decide not to stare and ogle her in a sexual way. When I visit your Facebook profile, your pic is staring me in the face and saying, “See! My breast! Look at it! Look at it, but don’t think of it as you would normally think of a breast.” Then again, maybe my personal understanding of breasts is still far too limited. Perhaps I need an awakening. Perhaps we all need a Breastfeeding Renaissance.
Let me break this down into the simplest possible way I know how:
We should be VERY cautious to relegate wholesome, intimate, natural, healthy, and beneficial parts of humanity into something less… something repulsive. If you want to show your breast in a nursing photo, be my guest. But I don’t want to visit your page because I don’t need to look at it. However, you who look in disdain at women loving their babies the most natural way possible ought to be ashamed of yourselves. Get a clue. A woman does not deserve to be punished for being a good mother. And public ridicule, disgust, or contempt are unnaceptable displays of cruelty towards this, our most sacred act of nurturing life and the hope of our tomorrow.
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© 2008 – 2010, Daniel Dessinger. All rights reserved.
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Matthew: “If you don’t like their stance on it, don’t use their site.”
Our interaction with each other and entities shouldn’t have to be like that. It is their site, but that doesn’t mean that we’re not allowed to protest it, or that we’re not right to publicly disagree with the policy. Just to say oh well and walk away without saying anything might even mean that Facebook loses users and they probably wouldn’t even know why!
I think an appropriate term is social negotiation. But to just look at the “price” and say no without a discussion makes rules needlessly rigid, it’s not as if rules or their interpretations can’t change.
I’m sure a majority of these women are acting out in support of normalizing breast feeding now, but the initial desire to post pictures of your baby sucking on your nipple is somewhat disturbing. I understand that it can be a beautiful thing, and in the right audience, it’s something to consider, but the prolific desire to share something like that is creepy. No, I don’t consider breastfeeding itself a negative or bad thing, but if a woman on the street said “Look at me, I’m breast feeding in public” and then proceeded to show me several steps and ask me to join in and enjoy it with her, I’d think she was a big creeper.
Besides, Facebook is a private company that probably doesn’t have a personal opinion about breast feeding, but is instead at the will of an intelligent team of lawyers who would probably rather avoid dealing with the legal battles related to minors seeing nipples and potential child molestation charges against mothers with toddlers. Yes, all of the pictures posted thusfar are fine, but there’s a certain ambiguity related to these photos, and it’d only take creative interpretation to turn an innocent picture into something facebook has to deal with on an expensive scale. It’s absolutely within your right to protest their decision, but it kind of looks like you’re barking up the wrong tree, and taking this as an excuse to make a statement, instead of actually fighting something real.
“It’s absolutely within your right to protest their decision, but it kind of looks like you’re barking up the wrong tree, and taking this as an excuse to make a statement, instead of actually fighting something real.”
My intentions and motivations were plainly laid out in the post. Facebook says no to breastfeeding photos. A lot of people agree. A lot of people disagree. It reminds me of what I believe is the larger issue, and I am bringing it to the forefront: public breastfeeding. I then show how my opinion of public breastfeeding differs from my opinion of posting photos of breastfeeding on Facebook.
Am I making a statement? Definitely. I make that obvious. I see no reason why you feel justified in saying that like it’s a bad thing.
“Instead of fighting something real”? What does that even mean? Facebook’s objection to breastfeeding photos is real. People’s opinion of public breastfeeding is real. There’s nothing “fake” about this.
I’m not upset with Facebook, though many people who commented here are. Being honest and not the least bit confrontational, I think your comment was lazy. It was either a poor explanation of your objection, or evidence of no susbstantive objection at all. What exactly are you objecting to?
If you’d like to rephrase your last sentence, I welcome the opportunity to respond afterward. I was tracking with your train of thought until the very last sentence. It sounds like a critique, with no actual lead-in. It’s like you made two separate comments, without properly ending the first or setting up the second. None of the first paragraph or most of the second imply an objection on your part to the post. I hope you will explain so I can understand your point of view.
I am not mad at Facebook but I think its wrong of them to delete the photos and the person who uploaded them, they should of just made them private if possible as a default. I think if a parent were running Facebook it would have been different…..there are lots of sites out there that don’t allow these pics or even pics where a baby has no shirt on like photobucket did a few years back. This maybe a shameless plug for my site but I am sorry lol This is one of the reasons why we exist (BabySpot.com) in our network we do not delete or disallow these pictures as long as the mother is comfortable with them. Plus they can just make the pics private or public as they please. Great Post!! This post needs a twitter push…tweeting now!
I hate to sound like a ninny, but I have to aggree with Facebook, sorry
So, Michael, why do you agree with Facebook? It doesn’t make you a ninny. As I mentioned, I personally don’t want to see breastfeeding pics from my friends, but i’m not opposed to breastfeeding or mom groups that do share them.
who ever thinks breastfeeding is gross, you are the ones who are really gross 4 thinking breasts and sex have anything to do with eachother you perverted freaks. why dont you grow up and get a life! breastfeeding is what came first, long before girls gone wild or any other porn show that you sick freaks get off on. go back to school and learn something, BREASTS ARE 4 BABY. thats what breasts are made 4 you stupid freaks.
Yes well in that case you could say a penius is for peeing, you do that long before you have sex. Just because something is natural does not mean it needs to be seen by everyone. I think Moana is a bit more angry then what is needed.
what would any of you perverted guys really know about breasts anyways? you dont have breasts so get over it! how do you think your great grandparents would have lived way back in the days without breast milk? you should be thankful 4 it or els you would not even be here today.
Moana, while we endeavor to allow people to share their differences of opinion here, it is premature, unfounded, and unacceptable to call our male users “perverted guys”. If you make an unfounded accusation again, your comments will be removed.
Differences are celebrated here, though mutual respect is required. If anyone has a problem with that, this isn’t the the right place for you to be.
oh yeah, by the way michael im breastfeeding right now! so deal with it.
i dont mean to be rude but it is true. this whole site would not even be here if the whole breast thing was not something to really talk about. i dont really care if my comments are removed because i already made them. and i will be more then happy to leave this site if you or any one els feels disrecpected. there are a lot of other sites where my comments would seem nice, givin to what some of the other girls have said.
Seeing how this site has existed for the past three years and only just now mentioned the subject of breastfeeding, I hardly think we owe the site’s existence to the topic.
If you’re referring to the social commentary aspect of CultureFeast, you have a point. We ARE all about providing commentary on what happens in our culture. But we do so within guidelines, because, well, I own the site and I decided what the rules would be.
It has often been said in various phrasing that profanity is the weapon of a weak mind. Implied in that statement, I think, is that a person must have their wits about them and use their impassioned reason and wit to debate with others. Otherwise, we all just resort to name calling, which essentially returns us all to a prepubescent state.
I’m no bastion of maturity, I think, but I do want our readers to feel safe commenting here. I want them to feel respected as people, even when we disagree with their ideas.
Share your ideas. Tell us why you disagree. Just please leave the insults at the door. If not, thanks for stopping by.
daniel, like i said before i am sorry if i disrecpected you or anyone els by my comments. you toled me before that i am premature and i know that you are right. but i am only 15, i guess i still have a lot to learn but when it comes to my baby girl some things peaple say make me easly mad because i know what is best 4 her and breastfeeding is the way to go. to me breastfeeding is a beautiful and sacred thing that only mothers like myself can really understand. and i do hope that other peaple not just mothers, will understand how beautiful it is someday.
Moana, I applaud you for caring so much about breastfeeding your baby. I hadn’t really thought hard about anything baby-care related until our girl was born a year ago. I honor any mother who is willing to endure the inconvenience of breastfeeding. It IS natural, and the absolute best nutrition, comfort, and bonding with mommy that a baby can receive.
Not all mothers learn what they need to know about breastfeeding before their baby is born, so I don’t fault them for doing things differently. And some moms have to work to support the family, and breastfeeding isn’t an option (though pumping ahead of time is better than formula).
To all CF readers: We don’t want to make anyone feel unwelcome or judged. There WILL be times, however, where we share our strong opinions and beliefs, and they may disagree with yours. We hope you will consider them openly, and then decide for yourself whether you agree.
We won’t all agree all the time… maybe even most of the time. But I appreciate Moana and other people like her taking the time to get involved.
i really recpect peaple like you who recpect breastfeeding. and i also understand why some choose not to. everyone has there own path and the right to feel how ever they feel. i am from a Navajo rezervation in New Mexico. 4 us (or at least some of us) breastfeeding is just a huge part of our culture it is simply the way it has always been for us. plus, not everyone over here can pay all the time 4 the high cost of formula. ( it adds up after a while!) a lot of the elders over here dont even know what formula is. we like things to stay traditional. on the rezervation peaple will put a blanket or something over themselfs while breastfeeding if there are other peaple around. know one gives dirty looks or thinks its gross or anything like that. its just normal 4 us. it would be really rare to see someone over here formula feeding. 4 us girls on the rezervation (traditional ones anyways) breastfeeding has always been, and always will be a big part of our lifes and same 4 are future children.
Here is where I have agree with Moana. If you can, breastfeeding is so much better for your baby then formula. Despite what I may have said in my awesome article “More Diet Soda Please” (http://www.culturefeast.com/more-diet-soda-please/) if given a choice I prefer natural choices to artificial ones.
Also, in the context that you bring up, public breastfeeding on a Navajo reservation is very different then pictures of breastfeeding on facebook. In the Navajo culture public breastfeeding is a perfectly normal part of the culture. If someone was complaining about your culture and was trying to restrict what happens on the reservation then I would agree with you 100%. I believe in the code, “When in Rome, do as the Romans” when it comes to determining what is “acceptable” behavior.
When my wife and I were in France we were on a nude beach, there were many Americans who thought that it was just awful all the “pornographic” images that their children where seeing. You are in France that is what they do! In that context being naked on the beach is not pornographic, it is natural.
Now, if you are on the shores of a lake here in Dallas and are naked that is going to be a problem because that is not what we do. One is not necessarily better then the other, it is just a difference in acceptable codes of conduct. The question at hand is what should the code of conduct be on facebook.com? Should pictures of women breastfeeding their children be allowed?
This is not a judgment about the virtues of breastfeeding; it is a question about what is socially acceptable behavior on facebook. I would say that we as a society are more conservative and prudish then most and the reaction of facebook.com is a reflection of that.
You can call me a freak all you want to, but just because you’re calling me one, doesn’t necessarily meant that I actaully am a freak. My point is that breastfeeding is obscene and gross. you can all say that I think breasts are sexual, but that’s not the way that I see them. I see them as useless blobs that sit on my chest. and they will remaint that way for the rest of my life. I plan on having kids, but they will either be pumped milk, or formula. You’d have to be a very sick-minded person to want to have a baby sucking on a very private part of your body.
Jena, youre so stupid! grow up and then think about going back to school and learning what breasts are all about.
I’m not stupid at all. I’m smarter than you think I am. I’m in school, and I’m not going to bf my kids at all. It’s just too gross to imagine. I’m sorry I’d rather not do it, but the thought makes me want to puke. Nothing anyone can say will ever change my mind.
Hey, maybe you’re the one who should be going back to school, and actualy learning something, because you’re obviously the one without a brain here, Tasha.
Jena, i guess you would rather have not as healthy kids. so u are a very selfish person. i would do anything for the health of my kids, there well being comes first to me. sad that youre boobs make you feel so low as a person.
i put 2 and 2 together… breasts, babies they go together. who gots the brains now! did you ever think about what would happen to babies in other countries where furmula or breast pumps are not in the picture? the babies would die! i guess you would not care anyways, it being so gross and all! you should really grow up and start thinking about other stuff besides yourself.
I loved this post. I agree that I don’t want to sit and look at photos of people I know breastfeeding. My mom has issues with seeing me breastfeed my son. I respect that and cover up as much as I can when I am feeding him. I agree that we as a culture have been taught to look at breast wrong. America does seem to be one of the few places that see it as obscene to breastfeed in public. All over the world, it is seen as beautiful and natural except here. Go figure.
actually tasha, I’m really not that
selfish at all, you are. For actually
wanting to have such a sickening
feeling My boobs don’t make me
feel low, people like you make me
feel low and obviously you don’t
have brains at all. breasts and brains
dont’ go together at all, little miss
ignorant. I have thought about other
people, alot more than you think
and all you’re thinking about is
yourself here. I have grown, and I guess
it’s time for you to grow up too. You
have no brains at all. You can’t even
spell “furmula” right, just goes to
show what a hypocrite you are
it’s time for you to grow up now tasha. You can’t keep hiding behind magazines all your life. Soon, you’ll be in high school, and will graduate within the next four years. I hope you you take adulthood (when it finally does come to you), seriously next time okay.
Hopefully, You don’t ever have kids yourself
LOL whatever b—-! so i cant spell big deal, you can still read what im saying so my point is made. yeah im in high school and i do have a baby. and 4 the record i got more brains then you! im only 16 and know whats best 4 my baby and you are just some old mean fart that has nothing better 2 do then sit around and talk smack! and i really dont care about you or youre stupid breasts. i care about healthy babys. my baby girl gets everything she wants and needs and means the world to me. never seen a baby as happy and healthy as her! so, hopfully you dont ever have kids yourself. see how well i can spell this, b—-!
I’m not an old fart. I’m actually 20 years old believe it or not. I’m not talking smack, I’m talking the truth. Oh I will have kids, don’t you worry. My IQ is probably much higher than yours, no matter what you say. I bet your baby is as healthy as someone with aids. I’m not a b****, but I can spell what you are a W****! You’re so ignorant, it’s not even funny.
OMG, really people are that hung up on not breast feeding.. that is ok.. I guess that they don’t want to lose 20 lbs after giving birth right away, and they don’t want to help lower their chances of getting breast cancer, or give their baby the best food EVER!!..
Some excuses that I have heard for not wanting to breast feed is that they — The mothers don’t have time for such things.. Time.. that is funny… when you have a baby you are locked down for 18+ years hows that for time.. why not give the baby a head start on life, and not promote obesity???
It’s not the best food possible, and your username sucks. I could easily lose 20 lbs. without bfing. BFing probably DOESN’T lower your chance of breast cancer. And no one says we’re promoting obesity, so stop putting words in our mouths.
Okay, ladies, it’s getting too personal in here. You can state your opinions and argue issues, but personal insults will not be acceptable going forward.
Jena, looks like you are a little out numberd by the whole breast feeding thing. anyways, i am tashas older sister, i just wanna say that what you called her is very wrong! somebody did something very bad to her, i dont think i need to say what it is! being the very strong girl that she is she kept the baby. if you are really 20 you should really start to act like it. and yes, her baby is very healthy. never got sick one time in its life thanks to the breast milk! tasha moved out, she dont got a computer no more, so no point in waisting youre very rude, mean , and hurtful comments on her she wont be looking at them any more, only me. i wont let no body talk that way about my family! look who’s ignorant now.
Okay. You’ve said your peace. Now it’s time to be constructive.
If there are differences of opinion about breastfeeding, it would be more beneficial for each of you to bring your reasons and do some actual research and link to that research.
We can all learn from each other, but only when our goal is to find the truth. We all need to live this out:
It needs to be more important to live the best and healthiest way than to defend your way of doing things. Only when your goal is the best will you truly be open to learning and finding the Truth. If it’s more important to be right, you’ll defend your way of thinking and never know if you’re wrong because you won’t let your way of thinking be tested and proven right or wrong.
I would rather find out that I’m wrong and find the Truth than convince myself that I’m right and never find out for sure.
I’m not rude or mean. I’m just telling the truth. Good thing she doesn’t have a computer anymore, which is really good news for everyone here. I’m not the ignorant one here, you are, you can say whatever you want about me, but whatever you say will never be true, so just keep on talking, because I won’t be listening.
too bad you sister is a chicken, because she can’t fight her own battles. She actually has to have her “sister” fight for her.
Jena, but actually you are listening or els you would stop talking about it! and by the way, my sister is not a chicken. the reason why i am talking to you is because my sister has better things to do with her life. she could care less about what you have to say about her. As for me yes i care. like i said before, i wont let anyone talk to my family like the trashy way you do. but anyways like Daniel said why dont you get back to what this hole thing is about… “public breastfeeding” why are you making this about my sister! she aint even listening to you anyways. if you really wanna chat about her so bad then give her a email! if not then you should get back to the point.
I am a nurse at the ICU delivery room. I would just like to say that there are a lot of sick babies there and the breast milk makes all the diffrence for them! it is a matter of life and death a lot of times and we have never seen a baby pass who had a diet of breast milk. we are very thankful for all the breast feeding moms out there!
Emma, I’ve heard about some cancer patients who recovered through breast milk. Not sure what all else was in play, but it’s apparently just about the healthiest thing a person can have.
Yeah, we all {who work there} feel that it makes a huge diffrence! and I have seen patients who recovered, like you were saying through breast milk. they also eat some other healthy foods and lots of water but the main diet is the breast milk. so we are very happy about it. healthy babies always brings a smile to my face!
first of all there’s no possible way for me to get her email, and I wouldn’t want it anyways. You have no idea who I am. I could be anyone.
whatever jena, i have a life to live.im tired of having to keep talking to you, are you ever just gonna let it go? yeah you could be anyone and im really glad i dont no you! if you wanna talk then lets talk about it, chicatia@hotmail.com otherwise lets keep this hole “leave a comment” thing about breastfeeding. you wont stop talking about me or my sister, its starting to feel a little creepy!
oh well. I wouldn’t put my email address for the world to see out online if I were you. It’s a shame, really lots of other people would love to know me.
oh! thats sweet, no need to worry about me i’ll be fine. the only crazy person around here is clearly you. i put my email out there in hopes that you would send you’re comments to me. I think you’re the one who has no shame. at least im trying to save us the embarassment of this hole stupid thing thats going no where.
LOL! this is really funny. so much to say about a very little thing!
I’m not crazy at all,you just like to make up lies about me to make yourself feel better. It’s a normal response when you know you’ve lost.
And no, I don’t find this funny at all….
it's kind of gross
It's funny, on majority of these facebook breastfeeding pages, the women are big on scolding other mothers for how they raise their kids. Then these same woman post the least modest photos of themselves breastfeeding and then get upset when they are removed.
Facebook has rules regarding what they consider nudity and these women do not follow these rules. Then these same women have the nerve to complain stating that girls in bikinis show more skin on Facebook. To be fair, the girls in bikinis keep their breasts and nipples covered.
One woman posted breastfeeding photos of herself feeding her son IN A DOG CAGE with her nipples exposed. Seriously, WHY on earth would you post a picture like that! Have some common sense! Women like the dog cage woman are the ones who insult other breastfeeding moms who ask the simple question of why not have some modesty when posting these pics.
It's funny, on majority of these facebook breastfeeding pages, the women are big on scolding other mothers for how they raise their kids. Then these same woman post the least modest photos of themselves breastfeeding and then get upset when they are removed.
Facebook has rules regarding what they consider nudity and these women do not follow these rules. Then these same women have the nerve to complain stating that girls in bikinis show more skin on Facebook. To be fair, the girls in bikinis keep their breasts and nipples covered.
One woman posted breastfeeding photos of herself feeding her son IN A DOG CAGE with her nipples exposed. Seriously, WHY on earth would you post a picture like that! Have some common sense! Women like the dog cage woman are the ones who insult other breastfeeding moms who ask the simple question of why not have some modesty when posting these pics.
To be fair, if you posted a pic of yourself with a forkful of food in your mouth, I just wouldn't care to look at it–I certainly wouldn't be offended! There are all kinds of pics that my friends post that I'm not interested in. Such is life.
The reason why some of us want to post pictures of our babies nursing is 1) beautiful pictures and 2) because until breastfeeding is normalized, mothers are put off of the best thing they can give their babies!
We're nursing for all humanity, and we're doing it in public for humanity too!
Thanks for the good post!
Especially when babies are new, they breastfeed a LOT. They spend quite a chunk of their waking lives doing it. So why not share pictures of a significant part of the baby's day?
First, thank you for supporting the right of women to nurse our children in public. Since you said you don't get why women post pictures, I I wanted to share my reasons. You talk about not wanting pictures of you with a forkful of food. But I would almost bet money, one of your friends or family members has a picture of you in just that pose, much to your dismay! I know there a couple of me stuffing my face floating around somewhere. Family get togethers, parties, christmas morning these are all times when camera's are flashing and baby is bound to be eating in at least a few of them. I post pictures of me breastfeeding my son because that's what he happened to be doing when the camera flashed. When I was chatting with my great grandma on the couch. Or when my brother was behind me goofing off with our cousin. When my friends kid was next to me being cute or when my mom was blowing out the candles on her cake. You might just as easily ask “why do people post pictures of themselves sitting on the floor?” Well that's just where they happened to be when something more significant was going on. My kid happened to be stuck to my boob a lot, the hungry little booger! lol But that's me and the pictures I post. But I wouldn't post a picture if the nipple or large amounts of my breast was visible. That's my personal modesty. I don't get people who post pictures of themselves BF'ing where everything is showing. But in context I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I'm just not even a person that's comfortable in bikinis or a really low cut top. I try to avoid people seeing much skin to speak of the whole time I'm feeding him. There is a brief moment while I help him latch on, when I am most exposed, but even then his head blocks the view from most angles.