Fix it Nix: My Sports Fan Hubby
Posted on 22 September 2008 by Nicholas Johnson
Dear Nix,
My husband told me he only liked basketball (the Mavericks) when we started
dating. Then the Cowboys started winning again, and suddenly he's a football
fan too. I did NOT sign up to be in a sports family. I have zero interest in
sports. But football? I don't even approve of it as a sport! A bunch of
grown men behaving like animals and crushing their poor little brains into
one another carelessly risking all sorts of brain damage. Who thinks this is
a good idea?!?!
Anyway, my husband is suddenly a diehard Cowboys fan, and he has to watch
every single game. We already don't spend enough time together because of
his commute and our kids and everything else that life throws at us. How am
I supposed to be okay with him wasting at least 3 hours a week on brain
smashing while I'm taking care of the kids or just missing that chance to
spend time with him?
Please fix it, Nix.
- Leslie
Leslie ,
BREAKING NEWS from planet Earth. Guys like sports and they often stretch (or in this case, shorten) the truth. I’m sorry to break it to you, but your husband is a man. And being a man often means that you don’t always think about the consequences of what they say when they say it. I’m a firm believer that every mother, aunt, older sister, or female cousin should make sure that all young women are taught this early in life. The sooner you accept that, the happier you and your husband’s relationship will be. At the same time, it’s probably a good time to forget all of the things that your husband said back when he was trying to work his way into your pants.
Back to the situation at hand, you seem to a really bad opinion of sports in general and football in particular. My experience with women that did not like sports seemed to come from the fact that they just did not understand the fundamentals of the sports enough to enjoy watching them. If this is the case, then this gives you a great opportunity to spend time with your husband learning about something that he likes. Have you actually spent some time trying to enjoy sports with your husband? You would also find yourself something of a bargaining chip when it came time for your hubby to do things, with you, that you like. When I was married, my wife and I often found those compromises. I can’t say that I liked going to the opera, but knowing that I’d be home on Sunday to watch the Cowboys play and not be expected to spend that time at Bed Bath and Beyond helped me to get through it.
Another thing to think about (that you probably haven’t yet): if your husband spends so much time commuting, then he probably didn’t end up with his dream job. Most little boys don’t spend their childhood dreaming of becoming accountants or salesmen. They dream of becoming professional athletes, astronauts, and (in the case of 5 year old me) garbage men. Very few guys actually get to do those things. The majority of us do not go on to play sports beyond high school. So the next best thing we have is the joy of being fans. When our teams win, we win. And for a couple of hours a week, we are able to spend time somewhere in our childhood dreams and not the reality of commuting, jobs we hate, or any other daily pressures.
Leslie, you may not always understand your husband, but I’d venture to say that you both love each other and your children. This means that the time that you spend together may not always be what you envisioned it being. Why not make the 3 hours on Sunday a time for your family to spend together cheering for the Cowboys. The same goes for spending time watching cartoons with your kids or finding a way that the whole family can help cook a meal together. What is more important to you, making sure that you don’t watch sports or finding the time that the whole family is together?
And if you just can’t find yourself willing to spend time watching the game with your husband, then you could always spend that time doing something for yourself while he watches the kids for a couple of hours. Just don’t be upset if you come home to find your kids screaming, “GO COWBOYS!!”
As the old adage goes, women are from Venus and men are from Mars. This means that we all have our differences and it is up to us to find common ground. If we don’t try to learn to love the things that we hate, we’ll find ourselves hating the things that we once loved.
If you or someone you know has a question for Fix-it Nix, please send an email to nixjohnson@hotmail.com.
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September 22nd, 2008 at 3:37 pm
I agree with Nix.
I am currently awaiting bar exam results to become an attorney and work at a law firm that handles family law as a practice area. It seems to me that if you are so concerned about your husbands football watching, something else, deeper has to be going on. It seem like something so petty is always just one of many that seems to be breaking marriages up. Don’t sweat the small stuff and make the best of it. Or try and figure out what the deeper issues are and address them. I’d hate to see another marriage end over something so silly as football on TV. I mean, REALLY?
Also, I have been dating a guy for a little over two months. He LOVES nascar. I grew up in a racing family and the only thing allowed on TV on Sundays was racing. When I moved out I banned it from my TV. Now, 3 years later, I am allowing it in my house and am actually enjoying it. I decided that I should give it another try so I could understand something he enjoys and something we could share. I care alot about him and want to show an interest in his interests, as I would like him to do for me. We are enjoying our time together watching races. He comes over, I fix dinner, we have a beer and it is good quality time together, even though I still find it boring to watch on tv. It is something I am doing for the relationship. I even bought him weekend passes to the Texas race in November for his birthday!
I guess what I am trying to say is, make the best of it. Have watching parties with friends so the kids can play, the mom’s can chit chat and the dads can bond OR try to learn about the sport. They aren’t smashing their brains, the helmets are there so that doesn’t happen. If you want to watch brain smashing, try rugby, there are no pads in that sport.
September 23rd, 2008 at 9:19 am
I heard a story once where a lady and her husband made a deal. When he watched a game, she’d hand him a bottle of lotion and he’d massage her feet for her. I don’t think they had small children though. That’d be tough. Something to think about.
September 28th, 2008 at 10:04 pm
Hi Nicholas,
My story is quite the opposite.
I once worked at a sports bar in Lewisville on the lake with this guy I was way into and he loved sports…passionately!! You might know him. It was because of him I started to enjoy sports a little. Sometimes you might actually see me watching a game and cheering along. Now… I don’t follow every word or know every play. Hell, half the time I don’t even know why a whistle is being blown. But secretly, I fall asleep to Sportscenter every night it is on. It makes me think of him!! I am not what you would call a “sports nut” but what is better than beer, a comfy couch, and a bunch of guys?? It really doesn’t get much better than that in my book!! So, in my case, sports brings me closer to my loved ones. Tell him I said hi and I miss him!!
With lots of love from the desert,
Missy