Get Ready for Swimsuit Season

Categorized | Lisa Pawlowski, fashion, health

Tags | bikini season, diet, fitness, swimsuit season, weight loss

Get Ready for Swimsuit Season

Posted on 30 May 2008 by Lisa Pawlowski

Right now the tops of my thighs feel like an immense bruise. My upper arms are so sore I can barely lift them to type this article. Have I been in a fight? A car accident? No. I’m getting into shape for summer!

When I was younger, I could eat Big Macs and chase them down with a doughnut and vats of soda, then I’d hop on my bike and ride for hours. Unlike most people, when I went to college I lost 15 pounds because I walked everywhere with a twenty pound bag on my back. When I graduated in my early twenties and got a desk job, I found out I wasn’t blessed with a fast metabolism and the weight came on. About thirty-five pounds. With the exception of those times I was pregnant, I’ve stayed around there all this time. I’m still considered to be normal on the weight table gamut-albeit on the upper end. For years though, I’ve wanted to lose about 10-15 pounds, but this goal was motivated by female vanity, and slipping into a smaller size, rather than health.

However, for the past few months I’ve noticed fat starting to move to places where it wasn’t before. So I decided to see a personal trainer.

I didn’t think I was too far off track. I exercise and do a mild version of Pilates. I’m not into junk food all that much but I do like to indulge in a bottle of wine imbibed over the course of a weekend. In spite of this “healthy living” I still had a bit of a muffin top creeping over my low-rise jeans. (For men who may not be aware, for the longest time, this was the only style of jeans available for women to purchase, however it is slowly getting better as designers and store clothing buyers realize that most American women are not built like heroine-chic models.)

The trainer said I had to “eat clean” which means no processed foods, eat a lean protein and a fruit or vegetable at each meal and have a “meal” five or six times a day. Also, no alcohol.
For the first week I had headaches from sugar withdrawal. (Thank God I didn’t have to give up coffee because that is what fuels my writing. I’d shoot up on straight caffeine if I could.) After a month of eating like this, I’ve gotten used to it and it isn’t too bad.

The weigh training is a different story. I didn’t realize I was so out of shape. I always feel like I’ve been beat up afterward. But when the pain wears off, I feel buff. My favorite activity is going around the house with my biceps flexed and saying things like “Someone call the vet ‘cause these puppies are sick!” Or “Someone call the zoo and tell them a couple of pythons got loose.” Or “The police pulled me over ‘cause I was carrying these guns!” If you have some more sayings that I didn’t list, feel free to add them to the comments section. I need new material.

As you can tell, I’m feeling pretty confident and after a month of this regimen it will only be a short time until my transformation into a MILF will be complete.

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5 Comments For This Post

Travis Erwin Says:
May 30th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Think I’ll just die fat and happy. That seems like the easier and much more enjoyable fork in the road.
Dr. Danger Says:
May 30th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Lisa….we’re going to need to see the BEFORE and AFTER pictures. THEN and only then can we determine if you are actually a MILF. OH and that will be the last time I use that term. It was ruined when my grandmother referred to herself as a GILF. I almost barfed.
Michael Callaway Says:
May 30th, 2008 at 7:33 pm
I am watching what I eat, sadly that is all I am doing, watching. In the event of a global food shortage I will live longer then the skinny people.
Rachel Says:
May 30th, 2008 at 10:21 pm
I’ve wanted to shed a lot of weight for the past God knows how many years.

Although I’m really healthy, I don’t think I’m at a good place weight-wise.

Your post is definitely helping me get more motivated to get into a bathing suit this summer. One can only make up so many reasons as to not partake in swimming…
Kev Pawlowski Says:
June 1st, 2008 at 8:02 pm
“Imbibed over the course of a weekend”? Heh, good one!

As you know, my personal favorite is “if I was on Sesame Street, I’d be Buffelupagus.”

You’re still a MILF to me!