Hurling for Dollars

By Daniel Dessinger

July 25, 2008

Hurl! A friend of mine reads one to two novels a week. He can do this because he considers watching TV a waste of time. I’ve encountered others who, when I ask, “Did you see that show last nigh?” will say things like, “Oh, I never watch TV.” Invariably their tone is so smug when they utter this phrase.

I admit that I watch more television than a person should. There are times when I just want to turn off my brain and veg. I don’t really have the patience to stick through a whole show so I’m always surfing the channels, trying to avoid the junk on the airwaves such as the endless number of hook-up shows. But I found a new program that is like a family-sized bag of Doritos and gallon of Coke for your eyes and mind.

On Tuesdays, the G4 network airs its newest summer offering called Hurl! (You know it has to be a good quality show because the title ends with an exclamation point.) The program is a game show where the winner is the person who manages not to throw up.

Five contestants eat as much food (macaroni and cheese) as they can in five minutes. The three top eaters advance to the next round where they are placed in steel ball cages and rolled around like hamsters by men wearing hazmat suits. If a contestant vomits, he’s out. However, the color announcers point out, if a player manages to swallow what comes up into his mouth, he can stay in the game. It is only when he hurls that he is eliminated. If no one spews after five minutes of rolling, the participants go to the next round (pumpkin pie) where the top two eaters advance and are placed in the balls again. They play a third round if necessary (pumpkin pie with whipped cream.) The game keeps going until there’s a winner. And this is the funniest part. The contestants do all of this to win— TA-DA– $1,000!

The show has the unpolished look and feel of something broadcasted on a college television station during homecoming week. The premise is so simple and the show is bereft of any intelligence or redeeming social value. But it’s also goofy fun to watch these trash-talking adultolescents punish themselves.

I can’t imagine tuning into Hurl! every week. The novelty wears off quickly. There comes a time when watching a person roll around in his sick loses its appeal. I left all that behind when I graduated from college and I really don’t want to return to those days again. Maybe this is a sign I should finally get to those books I’ve been meaning to read.