By Daniel Dessinger
November 3, 2009
My wife and I have lived in this neighborhood since 2003. Prior to selecting our first home, we had visions of energetically greeting our neighbors and offering them friendship and ministry. I saw us opening our home and inviting the neighborhood over once a week for food, fellowship, and worship.
THEN we moved into the senior citizen mecca of DFW. Somewhere in the ballpark of 85% of our neighbors were retired and completely uninterested in making any move to say hello or welcome to the neighborhood.
That’s no excuse. I should have and could have reached out and been a friend. But I didn’t. In fact, I spent so little time in my neighborhood outside my home that I went months without even waving to a single neighbor.
The point: over the weekend, I heard that my neighbor’s 20 something year old son died of cancer. He was bedridden for months. We only heard about his condition for the first time maybe a month ago. We weren’t involved in our neighbors’ lives and people are dying.
If that weren’t enough, my neighbor on the other side of us lost his wife a couple years ago. I never knew she had died. She had Alzheimer’s and never really left the house. One day he just mentions in passing that his wife died a year before, and I stood there in disbelief. How could I not know the pain and trouble my neighbors were feeling?
Easy. I don’t spend time with them. I don’t know them. I am embarrassed and a little ashamed. The truth is, I didn’t have the faith to pray for healing and actually expect healing for the longest time. I don’t know that my prayers would have done any good. But my concern, my time, and my love would have made a difference. I have failed for too long to reach the people easiest to touch. They are literally next door, yet I know more about people halfway across the country because of their tweets.
Confession: despite all this, I don’t have the greatest desire to know my neighbors. We don’t appear to have many common interests. I’m 32. Most of them are 50-75. I have a young child. Most of them don’t. I’m all about the Web. They’re all about cable tv and fixing up their yards.
It’s not that I can’t find a way to bless them. It’s that I don’t see them as potential close friends. And because of that, it’s more difficult to will myself to step outside my comfort zone and talk to them. But some of them may be very lonely. Some of them don’t get many visitors. I wonder what I could do to bless each one.
© 2009 – 2010, Daniel Dessinger. All rights reserved.
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I can’t speak for your neighbours, but is it not possible that, while they might value your friendship, your assumption that they’d enjoy your ‘ministry’ could be a little off-putting? Not everybody is into the whole God thing.
Tim, thanks for your comments. I already typed a response and my genius Firefox deleted it by auto-refreshing. So I’ll sum up my response here.
1. Selfless love that asks for nothing in return is what I feel I should offer most. Whether it’s offering to mow someone’s yard who’s getting too old to do it for themselves or whether it’s just stopping by to listen to someone reminisce about their past when no one else comes to visit. I am saddened that I haven’t done more of this.
2. We can all disagree on matters of God and spirituality. But when your son is dying of cancer and has been sent home to die, you aren’t as likely to refuse a neighbor’s offer to pray for him. Your #1 objective in a crisis isn’t to prove God is a fake. Your priority is to see your son healthy and well again. And any means necessary will work. I know that some percentage of people would still refuse an offer to help, but I’ve personally seen many who accept and appreciate prayer when they’re really desperate.
This is the kind of ministry I’m referring to. If your son is dying, you don’t believe in God, but your neighbor prays over him and he recovers, are you going to be offended?
Our neighborhood was much like yours when we first moved in, but the landscape is changing as some of the elderly pass away and a new family moves in. In fact, two of our neighbors are younger families who moved in after the previous owner either passed away or moved to a nursing home (one of them was actually relatives of the deceased).
Our next door neighbor who passed away was a wonderful lady. We reached out to her early on to be sure she knew we were there to help in any way we could. Her daughter got to know us and asked for help a few times (including getting our dog to stop barking at night).
Even though we’re generations apart, we can be there for our neighbors. You could become a contact that other family members could call on to check on their elderly relatives who are living in your neighborhood. I made sure our next-door neighbors younger relatives had our contact information just in case.
There is still a lot you can do. It’s never too late.
That’s a great idea. Thanks, Charles.
Loved your post. It’s the little things that really matter. Taking them homemade bread during the holidays. Mowing a yard. A big smile from across the street. Taking a few minutes out of your day to listen. It brings a community feeling to the neighborhood. And it’s never too late to start.
I really appreciate your transparency. Your neighbors are blessed to have you!
While I applaud the idea of taking them homemade goodies during the holidays, what about the other months of the year? The holidays are when they’re most likely to have visiting relatives… but be ignored the rest of the time. When they least expect it is when it’s most appreciated.
I totally agree with you, Charles. I didn’t mean just the holidays. We have taken cookies or bread to our neighbors at least 3 times in the last few months for no particular occasion except to say, “We’re thinking about you.” I love seeing the surprise on their faces!