The 4 Levels of Internet Dating for Single Men
Posted on 17 March 2008 by Nicholas Johnson
As a single man of almost 6 years, I have had my share of experiences in the dating world. I’ve gone the usual routes of running up monster tabs at the bars, reading John Keats poetry at Barnes & Noble on a Sunday, and I got a dog just so I had a reason to go to the dogpark. I even plan my grocery shopping around the best nights to meet women at Central Market. I almost resorted to signing my daughter up for every sport possible just for the visibility. Luckily, I got wise before I had to spend a decade writing checks to cover her therapist bills.
By wise, I mean I was smart enough to click on a few different hyperlinks for internet dating. On the surface it would be easy to lump internet dating into one single entity, but that would be the equivalent of saying that hooking up with someone from the bar is the same as your mother fixing you up with a girl from her church. They just aren’t the same things. For those lacking real experience with what I call the multiple levels of internet dating ™ (I haven’t actually trademarked it….yet), allow me to expand.
In the world of internet dating there is a direct correlation of the level of seriousness to the amount spent on monthly fees and amount of involvement required of users. The fees range from FREE to upwards of $30-$60/month and the required involvement ranges from placing a simple posting to having to field multiple emails. And depending on how serious a guy is about finding love or a relationship, there is something for just about everyone. For the sake of keeping this posting to a reasonable length that will actually get read, I’ll keep it simple and break it down into 4 categories.
LEVEL 1
First you have Craigslist.com. For those that are not familiar with Craigslist, you are missing out on a cornucopia of awesomeness. The site is basically the classified ads of almost every urban area in the world all crammed together in one simple to use website. If you can get past the fact that the site looks like it was designed with a Commodore 64 or an Apple Macintosh Classic II, you will find all sorts of things. If you’re looking for “love”, there are personal listings for just about any type of relationship that you (and your spouse/lover/buddy/livestock) could hope for.
The big word of caution when trying to find someone on Craigslist is that you never really know if the person that looks “too good to be true” is really posting an ad, really a prostitute (I found that out the hard way), or a fake ad for a porn site. All of these are distinct possibilities. I’m not trying to knock on the people that put up actual personal ads, but what do you really expect from a website that allows you to sell the headliner from a 1975 Malibu, one minute, and then post an ad that says “I’m looking for my soulmate” the next? I’d say that when you’re cruising Craigslist, don’t let your expectations get above the level of “Things I’d never tell anyone unless we were playing I NEVER….”
COST: FREE INVOLVEMENT: MINIMAL
LEVEL 2
Next you have all of the free sites that focus solely on dating and finding love. Off the top of my head, I can think of a few. My personal favorites are Plentyoffish.com, Datehookup.com, and Tattoosingles.com. The first two are self explanatory, but the latter of the three is my new favorite. It’s not my favorite because of any personal experiences. It’s more of a novelty. Seeing how almost everybody I know, even my ultra-Catholic friend, have tattoos, it’s really wide open. If you do a quick search you’ll find people with one single tiny tattoo right next to someone with 90% coverage. Now if only I could find a girl with a skeeball target pattern tattooed in an appropriate location, I’d be booking the flight and quickie wedding in Vegas immediately.
The basic idea behind all of these sites is finding someone. I just don’t know if it’s to find someone to date, date with intentions to marry, or date with intentions of sneaking out at 4am. I tend to look at all of these the same way I look at a nickel/dime/quarter poker game. If you don’t have any real “investment”, what’s to keep you playing it safe and logical? What’s to keep me from doing something stupid like making dates with 3 different girls on the same night and time? If I stand them up, they’re just going to chalk it up to general flakiness and move on.
COST: FREE INVOLVEMENT: SOMEWHAT ACTIVE
LEVEL 3
You had to know that I would be bringing up Match.com. I personally am a big fan of the Match.com formula. I met my best girl friend through Match and I have met a lot of awesome women. I’ve had plenty of bad dates, but for the most part the system works. The fact that there is a monthly fee aids in weeding out the people that are not serious about wanting to find someone and pursue a relationship. Granted there are still the people that are willing to abuse the system, but nowhere near what happens on the free sites.
This site is definitely for those that are ready for something more that hooking up and not quite ready to go buy rings and pick out a wedding dress. Match.com is definitely the site that has made it alright to tell your friends and family that you met via the internet. It hasn’t quite gotten to the point that it’s totally accepted, but give it another 5-10 years and it will be commonplace.
COST: $15-30/month INVOLVEMENT: EXTENSIVE
LEVEL 4
And finally, there is the most “serious” of internet dating websites. I’m, of course, talking about Eharmony.com. This is the site that tells you that other websites just give you a picture and a paragraph. Their theory is that if you are matched based on multiple levels of compatibility, then your physical attraction is bound to happen. I’m not trying to down on this site, but what a bunch of crap. Can you imagine how many women have ended up having amazing emotional chemistry with guys that look like Rocky Dennis from the movie MASK? Hey, I like the sun on my face too, but I just can’t see how this could ever work.
I guess if I was at the point that my mindset was centered around getting married as soon as possible, then I could possibly be all for this site. So, I guess it’s my fault. I’m just not ready to get married so badly that I’d be willing to forego physical attraction and tell my inner caveman to go hibernate. Someday, maybe, but definitely not today.
COST: $20-$60/month INVOLVEMENT: PURE BLIND FAITH
It is incredibly difficult to say what works best for each person when it comes to internet dating. In my opinion, the first thing anybody needs to do is determine what they are looking for and then go from there. I personally am at the point that I am about to swear off dating altogether and go join a monastery. Yeah….like that would really happen.
Popularity: 12% [?]
March 17th, 2008 at 8:18 am
we TOTALLY need a monastic blogger. I say go for it!
April 2nd, 2008 at 9:55 pm
You are so right about Craigslist. It’s hard to know if someone is real or just looking to make some kind of sale. Interesting article.