By Nicholas Johnson

May 16, 2008

In poker, there is a common term for making a bad situation worse. It’s called “chasing bad money with good money”. It’s a gentleman’s term for doing something stupid rather than letting a hand go. I personally feel that the Economic Stimulus Package is just that. Yes, “free money” is always a good thing, but I’d much rather see a price fix on gas and food. That would help me out a lot more. And for most people, this one time check is only going to be a short term fix. What happens next month when the prices for food and gas are still outrageous and I still can’t afford them?

Don’t get me wrong. I plan on blowing my money. I know I should do something responsible with it, but screw that. George Bush wants us to spend it, and who am I to tell the president “no”? I’m sure that there were plenty of people that didn’t agree with the way Julius Caesar did things, but I would venture to say that few people ever told him “no”. And look what happened with that. We ended up with a really tasty salad dressing. So until I’m covering a bed of romaine lettuce with Bush dressing, I’m going to rip through my economic stimulation like a 7 yr old opening Christmas packages.

I could be sensible and take care of the things that I need, like a new windshield for my car or groceries. I *could*, but what fun would that be? If I didn’t want to enjoy “free money”, then I would have worked harder, made more money, and disqualified myself from being eligible for stimulus. I’m expecting $600, so how will I go about blowing it?

The first thing I’ll be doing is going to get my hair done. Wow, when did I start sounding like such a girl? This means that I’m going to go see my favorite stylist, April Z (ask me for her number). So there’s a well spent $50. If you’re like me, the only thing that makes me feel better than a fresh haircut is a new outfit. It’s going to be 100°F before I know it, so I’m going to swing by Urban Outfitters and grab some shorts, a polo, and some flip-flops. That’s going to run about $100. Now that I look good and feel good, it’s time to go have some fun.

I have been thinking about getting more tattoos since I got my last one almost 6 years ago. I have made the mistake of drinking too much, going to a tattoo shop, and picked out a picture off of the wall. Knowing that I want more, I have spent some time getting to know a couple of different tattoo artists. For my next ink, I’ll definitely be going to see my friend Jack Hatchet at ACE IN THE HOLE STUDIOS. Considering that fine art isn’t cheap, I expect to spend about $300 for some custom artwork. I may even have to dip into my personal stash and get a bigger piece done. Spend some time under Jack’s needle and you’ll know the difference between just getting a tattoo and having a piece of art on your body.

With the rest of George’s money, I’m going to catch up on the video games, DVDs, and CDs that I have been meaning to buy. I’m definitely going to get GRAND THEFT AUTO IV($60), just so that I will stop hearing about it from all of my friends that play it 5 hours a day. While I’m at Best Buy, I’m going to be sure to pick up the BACK TO THE FUTURE trilogy ($35). I have attempted to buy the DVD set no less than 5 times in my life, so this time I’m getting it. OH and the comedy duo, Flight of the Conchords put out a new CD a couple of weeks ago. So I’ve got to get that ($15).

By my calculations, I should have less than $40 and that’s almost enough for a tank of gas. Maybe I’ll get lucky and find gasoline for under $3.50/gal, so that I’m happy about spending the money. I’d hate to have to come out of my own pocket on this day. That would be a total buzzkill.

I can’t believe I’m about to say this, but “Thank you George W. Bush”. You have left me feeling completely economically stimulated.

© 2008 – 2009, Nicholas Johnson. All rights reserved.

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