By Nicholas Johnson

May 30, 2008

I have never been one to dodge and weave when it comes to my feelings on dating, marriage, and the opposite sex altogether. While it might serve others to be a little more reserved or allusive, that’s just not my style. There is no need to keep the emotional “walls” when being totally open and upfront serves as something of a tool to weed out those that couldn’t handle my life experiences. At the age of 30, it is becoming more and more commonplace to find myself sitting across the table from a lady with a similar emotional background. Honestly, if you’re 30 and not married or divorced then you will probably fall into the minority in the dating scene.

Which leads me to my point: I have spent the last couple of years dating and finding myself in short-term relationships. I have met a lot of women through the more traditional means (i.e. through friends, family,work) as well as the “new traditional” means (match.com and other various internet sites). I cannot say that any method has been better than another one. Some dates have been good. Some were not so good. And the select few led to something more. The “something more” phase is pretty much the NO MAN’S LAND of NO MAN’S LANDs when you are starting to get serious with someone. In the days of Myspace, Facebook, and Twitter pretty much all of your activity (or inactivity) is open to scrutiny.

This means that if you are starting to date someone regularly via match.com, there is always the catch-22 of being“caught” looking at other profiles or messaging others because it lets others know when you last logged-in. On the same note, the person you are dating would have had to been on there to know that you had been. It has all sorts of ramifications that can be taken a variety of ways, unless you are proactive about it.

I have adopted the 30/30/30 method. Basically it means if you have either been seeing someone for 30 days, exchanged 30+ realistically romantic emails, or spend at least 30 minutes a day on the phone then it is time to stop putting out the feelers. Whether you’re willing to admit it, either you (or your fancy) probably think of the two of you as a couple once you have reached this point. There is absolutely nothing wrong with setting some initial boundaries that will act as a verbal contract between two people. It’s a great way for both people to grow the relationship at its own pace and provides a checkpoint to evaluate how things are progressing. Also, if after that watermark is reached, it provides a clean breaking point if the bond doesn’t look to have any real future.

Regardless of how two people are brought together, there is still an inherent need to feel wanted, appreciated, and respected. As we all know, open communication is the basis of most healthy relationships. If we learn to break out of our “don’t say too much, too soon” mold, we can avoid finding ourselves in the dating NO MAN’S LAND. Dating is a wonderful institution and the one proven method of finding that one special significant other that will truly compliment our wants and needs. The landscape of dating continues to change and happiness lies in our ability to change our approach and conduct within it.

© 2008 – 2009, Nicholas Johnson. All rights reserved.

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