When Sorry Does Not Work

Posted on 16 July 2008 by Michael Callaway

There are many times that I need to apologize to someone, unfortunately, I suffer from a debilitating disease know as “foot in mouth” syndrome.  It is a terrible affliction where the words that come out of my mouth cause harm and pain when that was not their original intention.  If I like you, chances are I am going to tease you, in the course of teasing it has happened that the words that were meant to entertain actually made the person mad.  It is during these misunderstandings that the words “sorry” work very well.
 
I have perfected the art of the apology and usually do it rather well, I have had a lot of practice and as the old saying goes, practice does indeed make perfect.  In high school I used to keep a ready supply of apology cards on hand so I could write one out if need be.  I could offend someone in the morning, find out that I had done so by the middle of the day and have an “I’m sorry that I hurt your feelings” card in their hand before school was done.  I was an apology machine.
 
These apologies work because deep down I was truly sorry, it was never my intention to hurt their feelings, it just happened, once the person knew this, all hard feelings were gone.  These apologies work and I would highly recommend them to anyone who has done something that was misunderstood as I so often have done.
 
However, there are times that an apology just can not and will not work, no matter how well written the card is.  When Captain Needa failed to capture Han Solo in “Empire Strikes Back” he thought that he could apologize to Lord Vader and all would be well.  While the apology was accepted, it did not end well for one Captain Needa.
 
The same can be said for Jesse Jackson with his remark to want to cut off Barack Obama’s necessary reproduction parts because he was talking down to black people.  The words I am sorry for feeling this way simply are not going to work.  Last time I checked, Hallmark did not sell a, “Please forgive me because I want to castrate you” card.  More then just the words being offensive by someone who is called “The Reverend” (who is he a reverend for anyway) it opens up a very legitimate question:  Why does he feel this way in the first place?
 
With the fatherless rate among African American households near 70%, what Mr. Obama has said is true, as someone who experienced that difficulty first hand his words should be listened to.  Now, I could understand Jesse feeling this way if it was some privileged white candidate who was in African American church said that fathers need to step it up.  While the words would be just as true, someone who has never had to go through what African American people have had to go through should not be “talking down to black people”.
 
However, if someone has been a product of that system and wants to help it by properly identifying the weakness of that community, he or she has every right to.  When Bill Cosby criticized the African American community for not acting right he was speaking out for what he believed.  Instead of vilifying him as someone who hates his own people and does not give back, they should have tried to understand where he is correct and explain ways in which he may have over simplified the situation.
 
While I will continue to be a McCain supporter, I feel a lot better about a possible Present Obama then I did before the hullabaloo of Jesse’s hot mike incident.  If Barack Obama is willing to stand up for something in a way that makes “The Reverend” want to perform surgery on him, he can not be as bad as I once feared.

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